What is the best way to commit suicide when you're under 13?

Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?

05 Jul 2000 Crazy Deus Some people need to understand that there is a fine line between humor, and serious life.
Those who can't handle humor, should not dabble in serious life, either. I can't stand those who can't handle a really funny joke, albeit a little tasteless. So stop the crap about: "I'm so sad, I know someone who commited suicide" or "Death isn't funny, I've seen too much death already." And so now, I am forced to say: THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE. You take me seriously, then I'll hunt you down and kill you myself.

And thus, my solutions:

1. Attack a beehive with your bare hands. (If you look like Macaulay Culkin, more power to ya)
2. Play outside. During a hurricane, earthquake, or small war.
3. Get into contests with your other 13-year old friends as to who can swallow the largest, pointiest object that can be found.
4. Jab enough pencils into yourself so that the lead actually kills you.
5. Go find daddy's gun. Go to school. Kill, when youre done havin fun, kill yourself.
6. "Where all the white women at?" (if you dont know what this is referring to, go watch Blazing Saddles)
7. Try to stop a gang shootout. Success only leads to the need to do it again.
8. Rub raw meat all over you, and carry around a dog whistle. Walk around, play a tune.
9. Eat only candy for a few months.
10. Finally, two words: POWER TOOLS.

27 May 2000 brennan build a simple wooden coffin and lay in it. then tell a friend to nail it shut. dispense several cans of that self-expanding foam for filling in household cracks, etc. the coffin will rapidly fill, suffocating you, and at the same time the foam will make an exact mould of your corpse. leave instructions to have a jello salad made with the mould.

13 May 2000 Damp The best way to kill yourself when you're under 13, is to set your house on fire and let the firetruck run you over, when they come.

10 May 2000 Hells Wrath Self Beheadment with hedgeclippers.

01 May 2000 Kenny What I would do is get a gun, dress like a bum and go on the streets to a really fancy restauraunt and ask to be served. If they reject you go outside again and tap on the window. When you get everyone's attention that's inside eating their rich food, lean your head against the window and blast your fucking brains all over it. Make sure all those wealthy people inside are watching you, traumatize them for life. Oh yeah.. and don't forget to smile while you do this.

15 Apr 2000 tom Stick two pencils up your nose and slam it your head on the desk. Crashing the pencils right through your brain.

11 Apr 2000 psychobitch Any good suicide kit would include these itmes:

1- a fountain pen and a sheet of decorative, official-looking paper perfect for writing your will on (don't want those younger siblings getting all your cool stuff!)

2- a small diary for an optional manifesto - tell the world what's wrong with it before making your lasting impression.

3- an arbitrary number of syringes. o say about ten (prefilled with painkillers), a noose, a bottle of lighter fluid and a jet-lighter (the kind that doesn't go out in the wind).

4- a child sized, plush wooden box to use as a casket, a personalized headstone (so your parents don't put some dumb thing on your last rock) and a shovel.

5- instructions that read as so:

Hide your suicide kit well. If anyone finds it, you're sure to be grounded for months. After that, dig a large hole in the backyard (just tell your parents you are trying to tunnel to hell if they ask - this is to cause suspense and leave a nice burial plot) on the last night, lay out your manifesto and will out on your bed, turn on the radio or tv so they think you're still there. (Insert ironic musical choices here). Go out to highway with a bridge. Tie the noose to something sturdy and put it around your neck. Stand on the edge of the bridge. (Smoke any cigarettes now, you won't be able to later). Dowse yourself using the entire bottle of lighter fluid. Inject as many needles as neccessary with one hand, holding the lighter tightly in the other. After a few minues, the painkillers will make you woosie and you will fall off of the bridge. Hopefully, you will have enough strenght to light the lighter. Do so. You now have a show FIT for all the stupid masses in their oncoming-traffic vehicles!

And when you are in heaven, you can tell god that it wasn't your fault, you od'd on painkiller, causing a terrible accident and get early parole from hell.

09 Apr 2000 Waylain I know the worst ways to kill yourself whilde under 13, since I'm still alive the ones I tried were no good. Thus I can offer one with 95% non-failure garantee. So-for those children's required educational suicidal experience:

A glass funnel. A piece of tape (3 inches long). A rat. Peanut butter (yummy! feel free to make a peanut butter and cookie sandwich on the side). A pillow (Sesame Street decorated). A piece of string. Vaseline. A shiny orange ball that fits in your mouth. A pulley. Jar of acid. A sponge on a stick.

Step 1: Place the pillow on the ground. Eat your peanut butter cookie sandwich (last cigarette?).
Step 2:Tape the string onto the jar of acid and lace it through the pulley. Cut the string and tape it from the jar to the funnel
Step 3: Wipe your mouth with vaseline, take the sponge on stick and dab generous amounts of vaseline. Shove the stick down your throat till slippery.
Step 4: position the jar of glass on the edge of a table and hold the string to support it. Let the funnel dangle under it.
Step 5: Swallow the rat.
Step 6: Bite the orange ball
Step 7: Position yourself on the pillow under the funnel so it aims to your forehead.
Step 8: Let the string loosen up.
Step 9: Wait.

06 Apr 2000 FuNky J FaSh My top ten Ways to Die:
1)- Go to a Slayer concert wearing a back street boys shirt
2)-Forgetting to tie the bungie rope to your feet
3)-Strapping a vacuum cleaner to your mouth and setting suction to full
4)-Relieving that annoying itch.... with a razor blade
5)-Fake Debilitating illness and beg for euthanasia
6)-Build a house using your head
7)-Start chewing on you feet, then continue eating until you've ingested yourself
8)-Be a bad guy in a movie, so when you die... everything in a 1 mile radius blows up, you spray more blood then 15 rabid sloths, the good guy survives... get's the busty blonde... and the sun sets.
9)-Substitute the nicotine in cigarettes with nitroglycerine
10)-Jump out of a plane, with a grenade strapped to you... above the Sydney 2000 Olympic games opening ceremony, and share yourself with thousands of others...

14 Mar 2000 Spazmonkey Strangle yourself with your mother's finest silk scarf and as you hang from the rafters swaying in the slight breeze, consume as many illegal drugs as you can get your thirteen year old paws on. Leave a note blaming your family for the tragedy.

18 Feb 2000 Mr Wendal Two electrodes to the hairless pubic area, attached at the other end to a car battery. No-one wants to die without somesort of sexual experience. Know what I mean sunshine???
Laters

14 Feb 2000 Bitchface Take 2 guns.... give one to a stranger and put the other to his/her head and force them to kill you... It's painless and that person will have horrible dreams for the rest of their life!

14 Feb 2000 Rob I always tell them kids how to get gum out of the eletric plugs... The trick is to put two dimes in the socket at the same time.....
I can still smell that burnt ozone stench

14 Feb 2000 Omega The best way to kill yourself when you're under 13 is to crawl into a pre-heated oven to play "chef", and curl up in there until you think that the turkey is well marinated.

12 Feb 2000 drew Go to the top of a very high tower with razorwire (10 feet) and a bungey cord that is half the length of the tower. Bolt the razor to the tower then tie the bungiecord to your waist. Superglue a kazoo in your mouth. Superglue your hands to your face upsidedown then jump. When you reach the 10 feet mark your head would fly off. Then your head would be in your hands as you bounce up and down. Picture it .

11 Feb 2000 AssLicker Let an old geezer such as myself ....rape your tight little ass. Let me rip a gaping hole so huge, it was large enough for an elephant trunk. Then, SHOOT you with a load of my hot steaming SHIT!!! I'd then stab you. Yes I know that would be considered murder, but in this context, I AM SUICIDE!!!!! After you die I would cook you up in a nice ketchup sauce. Perhaps leaving your lips intact so I could kiss them while I slept.

21 Dec 1999 Snarg Suicide... na... murder is better...!
Cut someone's head off... pick it up... and face them towards there bleeding body... their brain will still function for a few seconds... the last things that person will ever see... is their own body draining of it blood... pint after pint...

18 Dec 1999 Malachi I heard of a young man who, when his parents left him alone in the house for the first time all by himself, decided to make the most of his first taste of privacy and independance by doing something he had only read about. He went to the local butchers' and bought a cow's heart. He took it home, and lay on the bed, and put his virilia inside it. Then, he clipped wires onto the heart. The article he had read said that attaching the heart by wires to a battery would make it beat, and that this would make for a lovely evening. However, this young man decided to save some money, and didn't buy a battery. He chose instead to plug the heart directly into a wall socket.
But then I don't suppose that's the best way ...

17 Dec 1999 Derek A pretty little box full of chocolate-coated glass shards, maybe?

12 Dec 1999 Nathan Mitchell Pry your dental braces on your upper row of teeth forward from the outside in, so that you have two metal "prongs" sticking out of your pre-pubescent head. Now, "plug" those prongs into any available electrical outlet, and that should pretty much do the job.

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Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
05 Jul 2000	Crazy Deus	Some people need to understand that there is a fine line between humor, and serious life. Those who can't handle humor, should not dabble in serious life, either. I can't stand those who can't handle a really funny joke, albeit a little tasteless. So stop the crap about: "I'm so sad, I know someone who commited suicide" or "Death isn't funny, I've seen too much death already." And so now, I am forced to say: THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE. You take me seriously, then I'll hunt you down and kill you myself. And thus, my solutions: 1. Attack a beehive with your bare hands. (If you look like Macaulay Culkin, more power to ya) 2. Play outside. During a hurricane, earthquake, or small war. 3. Get into contests with your other 13-year old friends as to who can swallow the largest, pointiest object that can be found. 4. Jab enough pencils into yourself so that the lead actually kills you. 5. Go find daddy's gun. Go to school. Kill, when youre done havin fun, kill yourself. 6. "Where all the white women at?" (if you dont know what this is referring to, go watch Blazing Saddles) 7. Try to stop a gang shootout. Success only leads to the need to do it again. 8. Rub raw meat all over you, and carry around a dog whistle. Walk around, play a tune. 9. Eat only candy for a few months. 10. Finally, two words: POWER TOOLS.
27 May 2000	brennan	build a simple wooden coffin and lay in it. then tell a friend to nail it shut. dispense several cans of that self-expanding foam for filling in household cracks, etc. the coffin will rapidly fill, suffocating you, and at the same time the foam will make an exact mould of your corpse. leave instructions to have a jello salad made with the mould.
13 May 2000	Damp	The best way to kill yourself when you're under 13, is to set your house on fire and let the firetruck run you over, when they come.
10 May 2000	Hells Wrath	Self Beheadment with hedgeclippers.
01 May 2000	Kenny	What I would do is get a gun, dress like a bum and go on the streets to a really fancy restauraunt and ask to be served. If they reject you go outside again and tap on the window. When you get everyone's attention that's inside eating their rich food, lean your head against the window and blast your fucking brains all over it. Make sure all those wealthy people inside are watching you, traumatize them for life. Oh yeah.. and don't forget to smile while you do this.
15 Apr 2000	tom	Stick two pencils up your nose and slam it your head on the desk. Crashing the pencils right through your brain.
11 Apr 2000	psychobitch	Any good suicide kit would include these itmes: 1- a fountain pen and a sheet of decorative, official-looking paper perfect for writing your will on (don't want those younger siblings getting all your cool stuff!) 2- a small diary for an optional manifesto - tell the world what's wrong with it before making your lasting impression. 3- an arbitrary number of syringes. o say about ten (prefilled with painkillers), a noose, a bottle of lighter fluid and a jet-lighter (the kind that doesn't go out in the wind). 4- a child sized, plush wooden box to use as a casket, a personalized headstone (so your parents don't put some dumb thing on your last rock) and a shovel. 5- instructions that read as so: Hide your suicide kit well. If anyone finds it, you're sure to be grounded for months. After that, dig a large hole in the backyard (just tell your parents you are trying to tunnel to hell if they ask - this is to cause suspense and leave a nice burial plot) on the last night, lay out your manifesto and will out on your bed, turn on the radio or tv so they think you're still there. (Insert ironic musical choices here). Go out to highway with a bridge. Tie the noose to something sturdy and put it around your neck. Stand on the edge of the bridge. (Smoke any cigarettes now, you won't be able to later). Dowse yourself using the entire bottle of lighter fluid. Inject as many needles as neccessary with one hand, holding the lighter tightly in the other. After a few minues, the painkillers will make you woosie and you will fall off of the bridge. Hopefully, you will have enough strenght to light the lighter. Do so. You now have a show FIT for all the stupid masses in their oncoming-traffic vehicles! And when you are in heaven, you can tell god that it wasn't your fault, you od'd on painkiller, causing a terrible accident and get early parole from hell.
09 Apr 2000	Waylain	I know the worst ways to kill yourself whilde under 13, since I'm still alive the ones I tried were no good. Thus I can offer one with 95% non-failure garantee. So-for those children's required educational suicidal experience: A glass funnel. A piece of tape (3 inches long). A rat. Peanut butter (yummy! feel free to make a peanut butter and cookie sandwich on the side). A pillow (Sesame Street decorated). A piece of string. Vaseline. A shiny orange ball that fits in your mouth. A pulley. Jar of acid. A sponge on a stick. Step 1: Place the pillow on the ground. Eat your peanut butter cookie sandwich (last cigarette?). Step 2:Tape the string onto the jar of acid and lace it through the pulley. Cut the string and tape it from the jar to the funnel Step 3: Wipe your mouth with vaseline, take the sponge on stick and dab generous amounts of vaseline. Shove the stick down your throat till slippery. Step 4: position the jar of glass on the edge of a table and hold the string to support it. Let the funnel dangle under it. Step 5: Swallow the rat. Step 6: Bite the orange ball Step 7: Position yourself on the pillow under the funnel so it aims to your forehead. Step 8: Let the string loosen up. Step 9: Wait.
06 Apr 2000	FuNky J FaSh	My top ten Ways to Die: 1)- Go to a Slayer concert wearing a back street boys shirt 2)-Forgetting to tie the bungie rope to your feet 3)-Strapping a vacuum cleaner to your mouth and setting suction to full 4)-Relieving that annoying itch.... with a razor blade 5)-Fake Debilitating illness and beg for euthanasia 6)-Build a house using your head 7)-Start chewing on you feet, then continue eating until you've ingested yourself 8)-Be a bad guy in a movie, so when you die... everything in a 1 mile radius blows up, you spray more blood then 15 rabid sloths, the good guy survives... get's the busty blonde... and the sun sets. 9)-Substitute the nicotine in cigarettes with nitroglycerine 10)-Jump out of a plane, with a grenade strapped to you... above the Sydney 2000 Olympic games opening ceremony, and share yourself with thousands of others...
14 Mar 2000	Spazmonkey	Strangle yourself with your mother's finest silk scarf and as you hang from the rafters swaying in the slight breeze, consume as many illegal drugs as you can get your thirteen year old paws on. Leave a note blaming your family for the tragedy.
18 Feb 2000	Mr Wendal	Two electrodes to the hairless pubic area, attached at the other end to a car battery. No-one wants to die without somesort of sexual experience. Know what I mean sunshine??? Laters
14 Feb 2000	Bitchface	Take 2 guns.... give one to a stranger and put the other to his/her head and force them to kill you... It's painless and that person will have horrible dreams for the rest of their life!
14 Feb 2000	Rob	I always tell them kids how to get gum out of the eletric plugs... The trick is to put two dimes in the socket at the same time..... I can still smell that burnt ozone stench
14 Feb 2000	Omega	The best way to kill yourself when you're under 13 is to crawl into a pre-heated oven to play "chef", and curl up in there until you think that the turkey is well marinated.
12 Feb 2000	drew	Go to the top of a very high tower with razorwire (10 feet) and a bungey cord that is half the length of the tower. Bolt the razor to the tower then tie the bungiecord to your waist. Superglue a kazoo in your mouth. Superglue your hands to your face upsidedown then jump. When you reach the 10 feet mark your head would fly off. Then your head would be in your hands as you bounce up and down. Picture it .
11 Feb 2000	AssLicker	Let an old geezer such as myself ....rape your tight little ass. Let me rip a gaping hole so huge, it was large enough for an elephant trunk. Then, SHOOT you with a load of my hot steaming SHIT!!! I'd then stab you. Yes I know that would be considered murder, but in this context, I AM SUICIDE!!!!! After you die I would cook you up in a nice ketchup sauce. Perhaps leaving your lips intact so I could kiss them while I slept.
21 Dec 1999	Snarg	Suicide... na... murder is better...! Cut someone's head off... pick it up... and face them towards there bleeding body... their brain will still function for a few seconds... the last things that person will ever see... is their own body draining of it blood... pint after pint...
18 Dec 1999	Malachi	I heard of a young man who, when his parents left him alone in the house for the first time all by himself, decided to make the most of his first taste of privacy and independance by doing something he had only read about. He went to the local butchers' and bought a cow's heart. He took it home, and lay on the bed, and put his virilia inside it. Then, he clipped wires onto the heart. The article he had read said that attaching the heart by wires to a battery would make it beat, and that this would make for a lovely evening. However, this young man decided to save some money, and didn't buy a battery. He chose instead to plug the heart directly into a wall socket. But then I don't suppose that's the best way ...
17 Dec 1999	Derek	A pretty little box full of chocolate-coated glass shards, maybe?
12 Dec 1999	Nathan Mitchell	Pry your dental braces on your upper row of teeth forward from the outside in, so that you have two metal "prongs" sticking out of your pre-pubescent head. Now, "plug" those prongs into any available electrical outlet, and that should pretty much do the job.