Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
16 Jun 2024	G. F. I. T. A. B. A. Reindeer.	I think perhaps the best advice i could give wood knot bee how to best off yourself. But instead, be very careful around santas reindeer. As they fly all that air just wisps and wisps upon their balls and they become very horny. The last thing you want on christmas night is to be getting fucked in the ass by a reindeer, and then your mom comes to investigate what all the noise is but its you screaming as you are getting fucked in the ass .. by a reindeer. Do you really want your mother to see that? A reindeer copulate in your ass? Wtf is going on here? Santa isnt real you dumbass kids. Haven't you figured out yet that santa brings expensive toys to kids with rich parents and poor families kids get socks. And if global warming was real dont you think santas glacier would be melting and david attenborough would be narrating some nat geo BS about santie claws is gonna fucking dieeee? And everyone knows elves cant swim. It would be a buffet for polar bears and sea lions. Your parents lied to you! Make them pay! Take a crap in their closet! -OR- you can play along and remember, these MFers lied to you. Do not let them know you know santa is a fucking lie. Make them feel guilty. Ask them if you are a bad kid because santa brings you crap presents? Then start crying. Keep saying you are a bad person. Make them feel bad for lying to you and milk it for every toy you can. On christmas morning even if its awesome toys, just start crying and go back to your room. Dont even play with the toys. Just look at them and cry.
03 Jun 2024	FML¹⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰¹	Everyday put a stick of butter in a tortilla. Put a lot of salt and sugar. Eat this and only this until you have a heart attack from clogged arteries. If you want to speed things along inject used motor oil into your veins.
28 May 2024	big booty holes	Today is booty hole appreciation month. A whole month of being glad you have a booty hole and how it always has your back, even in the shittiest of situations. People are encouraged to post a picture a day on social media to show off how big a poop you can make.
27 May 2024	yellow tree dicks (bananas	Experience the cock. Early every morning crowing, waking everything up. The cock perches on your bedroom window seal and emits and instant tsunami of sound, violating your ears. This rips you from your sleep and your bedsheets trailing behind you. Now eat this cupcake which contains zero sedatives, i promise.
25 May 2024	bob	I remember my first pet monkey. It had not been genetically modified so it still had certain traits a lot of people consider undesirable. Such as throwing fresh poop on you. I tried it once with my monkey and i must say slinging your poop all over others is a smashing good time.. don't knock it until you have tried it. But if you do get a genetically modified monkey do not teach them about throwing poop.
25 May 2024	cooper	Big fat mop stick right up the ass until you can bite down on the wood with your teeth. Having already soaked the stick in diesel you light it on fire, both ends. This will form a hot coal that runs thru your mouth, thru your guts and out the booty hole. This coal will burn a hole thru your torso. After that we can fix you up with some essential surgeries such as removing your stomach so you never feel hungry again. And we just install a feeding tube thru your trachea. That may effect your breathing so we stick a hose down your throat and into your lungs and pump oxygen in. Next we will remove your eye lids so you never have to sleep again. Next we get you hooked up with a caffeine drip in your I. V. So you stay alert.
18 May 2024	crimson ebb & flo	Its finally official. They are going to do a real scientific study on the effects of cutting during menstruation. It will be so interesting if you can cut your wrist open and bleed to alleviate heavy flow. The best part is i signed up 6 months ago to be apart of the control group. Which is great because in control they do less experimenting on you and you get paid.
15 May 2024	Geraldean Bosquine Clementíne	Im just going to pour out a little of this black market import potato whiskey made in russia for all the homies who have in years gone by come to this website... But they don't anymore for whatever reason and lets not speculate as to why. We already know why. And now i am going to drink the rest of this bottle. It says it 93% ABV, thats alcohol by volume. Hopefully i wont get alcohol poisoning. I really hate those 3-4 day hangovers.
11 May 2024	goodruff ovalepsie	Go out with a bang. fireworks display show inserted right up your ass and light the fuse
11 May 2024	ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ＼(°o°)／bears run faster	Ahh yes, we meet again, and such a pleasure it is. Do you come here often?? Thats right! Its time... For another exciting read in the clinically insane chronicles. A place where the worst of the loons all meet the end of a life commitment at the worst asylums. We have files on a girl with pig tails eating the padding on the wall to try and get to her grandmothers house and of course the foam filled up her stomach and swole up twice as large and ripped her stomach open. She bled out internally. So just eat a bunch of foam padding if you are going for that quick and easy clean up for your survivors, who will be very sad you ate a bunch of foam, and then we will have goobermint regulations making foam illegal. Yeah, you are going to screw up nice chairs for everyone. Maybe just dont do it unless you want to go out like screw everyone and you having nice foam seats for your ass and comfortable matresses... Yeah like fuck everyone not in a 3rd world country is basically what you would be saying there. And remember, if your neighbor beats his wife, you should subtly see if she will cheat on her husband. And you should because when you think about it there can only be one logical conclusion where O. J. Simpson couldn't fit the glove on his hand and JFK and Moses from the bible circumsized all the young boys thru out all of rome. Pope francis got circumsized three times. Its going to be in the next edition of world records book.
10 May 2024	penis wrinkle slime.	Inject liquid shit directly into your tongue. Put the shit in a blender and use the puree setting. You may choose to add coriander and/or salt to taste.
07 May 2024	dr. vonhuff	Research embryonic cloneing. Clone yourself. Kill the clone. When everyone is sad and crying because they think you are dead walk out and say hi guys!
07 May 2024	megatron lord of the decepticons.	Identify as a gay boy, take a vow of celibacy and shove a red hot iron rod right up your ass. Immediately upon removal of red hot iron rod from ass inject triple antibiotic ointment and lots of burn cream with a strong numbing agent. Now your seared gay butthole will heal shut and you can die of sepsis from impaction. And if you change your mind and dont go thru with it always remember... For only a dollar a day you can feed the starving south african kid whose dad killed the white farmer he used to buy food from, before he killed him. (Sarah Mclachlan's wings of an angel plays in background)
06 May 2024	talking heads.	Every since i got my clit pierced with a 5 karat diamond stud i just cant stop gushing. I was in the fresh produce section, checking out the cucumbers, and i am leaving safety hazards everywhere. They had to come put out the caution wet floor signs and mop it up. Then later i was at the pharmacy getting my valium, xanax, and adderall and again i exploded a river right next to an old lady on an electric scooter. The gush was to much and it shorted out the scooters electronics. She said she was going to sue me for cumming on her mobility aid. I told her to suck my dick and then i came again all over her scooter and wig. I had to then go to the bank. Right after i said i need to make a deposit i dropped a small kiddie pool and flooded the teller booths and the lobby. They tried to tell me i had to pay for damages. I explained it wasn't my fault and showed him my new diamond. He said, thats nice ma'am but i still have to freeze your account. So i had to go open a new account at another bank. I don't know if i can wear this new diamond on a date. It might send the wrong impression.
06 May 2024	professional meme thief.	I read a medical study today about how watching birds can help with mental health issues. Thats probably true for the magical moments you see the birds but alas they will all fly away, just like your hopes and dreams. Sometimes i think about getting lots of bird feeders and some cats and hang the feeders low. In spring time cut back on cat food and watch the birds then. I should get some cameras mounted and use footage to make memes.
05 May 2024	bushwick bill	Try removing your liver and gallbladder with a scalpel, and a wire coat hanger bent into a hook. I was able to do mine on the third try. The coolest part about removing your liver is you can slice it thin and fry it with some onions and it will grow back in 3 days.
04 May 2024	free travel all expenses paid trip to...	Become a drug mule that shoves condems full of drugs up their ass. When one package burst you overdose on the plane way up, high in the sky. So very high, in the sky.
04 May 2024	peppridge farm remembers...	Today i got my package in the mail and i am so excited. I got a MARVEL. Its an endoscope that can make a 3-D image of your brain. So i am officially open for business so if you or someone you know needs brain surgery dont hesitate to drop me a line. Or if you would just like to get a 3-D image of your brain for wall art or a t-shirt or even a tattoo. Service also includes memory wipe standard and you provide memory files for implant or you may choose one of our default happy life memory implants. An additional fee is charged to talk to our consultant in writing your memory implants. We also have some really crazy memory implants like being chained in a dungeon and forced to watch a seriously mental retarded chic slam her crotch with a huge dildo with a rubber ducky that quacks as a handle for 12 years 364 days 23 hours 59 minutes 59 seconds... And then you are set free by aquaman, you grab his trident and impale your skull. Now you can tell everyone about the time you met aquaman.
04 May 2024	are you not entertained?	Find a wind tunnel used for testing the structural integrity of products in hurricane winds. Go in tunnel. Strap yourself in for 200+mph winds... Turn on wind tunnel fans... Dump tons of broken glass shards into the wind tunnel current and you are ground into fine bits and the wind evaporates all your juices. Make sure to wear saftey goggles so you can watch it all.
03 May 2024	the rape guru	The culture of india is heavily steeped in gang rapes that the woman... Or girl dies from the gang rape. Normally they continue to gang rape for hours after the gang rape victim has died.

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