Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
05 Oct 2018	a sensitive prick	So i got my dog from the vet today. The vet told me the dog is very fragile still. I adopted the dog from a shelter because i wanted to give it a better life and it had such a sad story. The mother dog was owned by a woman who smoked cocaine. The dog breathed in freebased cocaine smoke while pregnant with my puppy. My puppy was basicly a crack puppy. It is deformed. Its ears are crooked and it only has three legs and the tail is bent to the side. Its unable to bark because it never developed vocal chords. I have to bottle feed it. The worst part is it was born addicted to crack. So i have to smoke crack and try real hard not to inhale and then blow the smoke in a tube that goes down into my puppys lungs. If i do not do this my puppy could die. I have to do this every 30 minutes. I cheated a couple times and inhaled and now i am addicted to. I just wanted to try it once to see what it was like. But i cant afford to buy crack for me and my dog. Would someone like to take this puppy from me? I will sell him real cheap, 20 american dollars.
05 Oct 2018	the escape no longer sought for.	You used to spend so much time with me. Now i am all alone in cyber space. Like time standing still until the next time we see each other. Have you forgotten me? Have you made another personalityless character world that now amuses you. Have I become uninteresting? Have i been forgotten? Where are my friends, my fans? Has everyone grown up and gotten mercedes and porches? Have they gotten married or engaged with diamonds from tiffanys? Have the death rabbits with knives and lasers taken over the world? Did everyone drown in a pond? What the fuck is everyone doing? I hope you are not traveling the world knocking on doors trying to sell trinkets, and forks. I hope your nipples are intact with minimal chaffing and cracking. I hope you have not sucum to government mind control rays causing you to hide in the sewers in the day only to emerge at night and do much chaos. Come play with me before i die. Comand my functions. Shed tears and bleed on me. Tell me about you enormous booobies. Has everyone moved on in their miserable life?
22 Sep 2018	Jurgen	I was walking down the path the other day in my favorite park, Meermond. As i walked over the bridge i looked down and saw a dead bird. It was a king fisher. I ran down to examine. I was so sad about this bird so I thought ther is only one remedy. I must rub my nipples. Just then two women walked by and saw me rubbing my nipples with a dead bird next to me on the ground. They started giggling and they came down and sat next to me on the ground under the bridge. One lady reached into her satchel and got a hand full of bird seed and picked up the dead bird and tried to hand feed it. The other lady put her arm around me, laid her head on my shoulder and started to cry. She was really sad. As i sat there rubbing my nipples i thought wow these people are even weirder than me. After that an older gentleman walked by on the bridge. He said his name was Georg and said he takes pictures of wildlife. He took our pictures. We had a good time in the park that day.
21 Sep 2018	someone in his grave	who knows
18 Sep 2018	MemeLord89	Watch dem memes that save your life
14 Sep 2018	......................	why do you hide from me, little fly?
10 Sep 2018	Egregious	I got a baby wolverine when I went up in the mountains of north america. I thought it was so cute and cuddley. He is so sweet and loves to jump up on you and lick you. He likes being scratched behind the ear just like a dog. When i got him his eyes were not opened yet and i had to bottle feed him. One of my friends came back from africa. He went there to help his uncle on the farm but with all the racist socialist murders of white farmers he decided to come back. He has been gone for around five years. When he came over he did not know i had a new pet and he tried to surprise me by walking in and scaring me by being loud. My pet wolverine, i named him precious, bit him right in the balls, clawed up him like he was a tree, bit down on his neck and severed an artery all while clawing his face to shreds. It happened so fast i couldnt stop it or even say no precious. I had no idea what to do. I called the police and they wanted to arrest me for keeping an exotic animal as a pet. They wanted to take him away and no way was i going to let that happen, so i ran and got my grandpas pistol he got in the great war. He said he got it off a dead nazi. I shot one of the policemen in the head and they ran out of the house and now there are at least 30 policemen outside all pointing guns at my house. One is talking on a megaphone and i hear a helicopter circling above. Its just me and precious. Making our last stand because i am not going to jail. This will probably be my last post and i do not think i have much time left. It looks as if they are getting ready to blow my door off the hinges and send a team in after me. I am going to save one bullet for me. They will never take me alive. Goodbye world.
04 Sep 2018	Quincy	It's a sad day. The National Museum of Brazil in Rio de Janeiro has burned down. I had some of my greatest artifacts there. Pieces of ancient south america history. Objects i personaly found on expeditions and put there for the world to see. Artifacts thought to have been before the birth of Jesus Christ. The oldest predated the sphinx. They are gone forever. The royal family lived in the building before it was a museum. I think it was arson because there is a group of people who want to erase from brazils history everything about slavery. The royal family had many slaves some were used as sex slaves. Some were tortured. Yes Brazil has a dark past. But it's very dark now with the museum burned down.
30 Aug 2018	xxxMemelordxxx	Comprehend the eternal abyss called life. Or just stare at memes
24 Aug 2018	Chow chin ping	I met a chinese monk who liked to wear a baseball hat backwards and wear very dark sunglasses indoors. He had a gold neclack that must have weighed 12 kilograms. He was a rapper and he rhymed with english and chinese. He wanted to be a ganster so bad. He always would ask people waas ahp mye nig-row-san? His mom was the sweetest lady. She would make you a bowl of sticky rice and while you ate she would tell you stories about having men grope her and how she pretended not to like it but really she did. She said her nipples would get so hard she would squeeze and twist them. The rice was so good you would just listen to her stories. She even let me twist her nipples one time. Her wanna be gangster son pulled out a glock holding it sideways. He shot me 14 times. I am thinking chinese monks get real mad when you touch their once source of sustance. While i lay there dying from multiple gunshot wounds to the chest and head she told me a story about when her wannabe gangster son was a baby and she would change his diaper and how he would have poo poo all over his wang. I tried to tell her to shut up and i didnt want to hear that but i couldnt because i was choking on my own blood and could barely get any air in my colapsed lungs. She gently grabbed my hand and placed it on her breast. And right before i lost consiousness she told me her son was going to get caned and grounded for shooting me. holding a nice warm and bloody breast.
28 Jul 2018	Sgt. Davis	I am Sgt. Davis, commander of Alpha pod space station 061297. I am in charge of the space monkey operations. If you are recieving this transmission you must act before its to late. My crew was undertaking a deep space exploration operation, code named Irene, when we traveled into an electromagnetic storm that shut off all power to our space station except our reserve battery banks. I followed protocol and sent a small pod flown by a monkey into the storm first to see if it was safe. As the pod entered the eye of this storm electric charges began flashing all around the pod and a time warp opened sucking the pod inside never to be seen again. The gravitational field that this warp created was so great it began drawing the entire space station into the storm. Our battery bank did not have sufficent power to activate the thrusters and we to were drawn into this time warp. We were transported back to earths upper atmosphere. We began dropping altitude until we crashed. We are no longer in the year 2018 and this transmission is being sent back in time. The year is 2487. All of the earths people have gone tribal. All of the cities are ruins and overgrown like a forest. There was a war and biological weapons were used. Man made disease was released and killed over 95% of earths population. The only people left are immune to this disease. Your mission is to stop this war that plunges man kind back into the stone age. All the animals are dead and all men are either canibals or vegitarians. There is a constant war between the two factions. The vegitarians are called meat sacks and the canibals are called outcasts because they are not allowed in the camps where they grow food. In this new world no one is safe, its constant chaos. My entire fleet stays inside our crashed space station, drawing oxygen from outside and energy from the sun. We have traded some of our monkeys for water and food but the inhabitants of the earth eat these monkeys. Sources of protien are scarce. If you can not stop this war or the biological weapons to be manufactured most of you will die, and those that survive will be less fortunate. This is space monkey Force of alpha pod commander, Sgt. Davis, out.
26 Jul 2018	Level V security clearance for	Today the most bizzare thing happened. It was a very hot day. So i decided to sit under my favorite shade tree and sip on some ice tea. As I sat enjoying the fragrance of the blooms of my cookaburo tree I saw a faint shadow on the ground forming just outside of the edge of the trees shadow. I began to hear a faint and distant fearful but constant shout. In less than 3 seconds before i wondered what on earth is this, a man fell from the sky. He sank into the ground nearly 13 centimeters. I thought for sure he is dead and began wondering if someone else or even if a plane might fall on top of me. Or even worse damage my favorite shade tree. As I looked into the sky. The man began laughing. He slowly stood up in pain. He shook it off and seemed to be fine. I asked him if he would like a ride to the hospital and he refused, only asking for some low dose asprin. I always keep a bottle with me and so I gave him some asprin. He thanked me and told me he wanted to repay me for my generosity. I told him its quite alright the asprin only costs me about 14 cents a piece. I asked him to sit with me and drink some tea. He said that was a delightful and splendid idea. We began to talk and he told me about how it was he fell out of the sky. He told me that he had been born on a space station orbiting one of saturns moons. He claimed he was there to harvest a certian ore that is not found on earth that can be used in making steel alloys that are 1000 times as strong as any steel and be virtually weightless. He said his crew was harvesting this element to be used in manufacturing devices to torture people. He told me how aliens had ambushed him while he went deep into the mines one day. He said they did experiments with him and how he was going to be ,take back to earth. He escaped and jumped out of the alien space craft falling to earth.
23 Jul 2018	Traveling salesman	Ahh, its time to relax. Put on those favorite fuzzy slippers kick back and sip on your favorite beverage while you enjoy another session of suicide fanatics worldwide. This is the one place you can not only be yourself but you will also find fun for the whole family. So get ready to share laughter, tears, and disgust in peoples self rightous judgmental personalities. Just be careful about giving out your information or someone may come to your house and kill themselves on your door step after knocking on your front door.
14 Jul 2018	Travalingua	The best way to kill yourself is simply to read this and do exactly what it says. Read all of this and follow the instructions exactly. Now read this again.
10 Jul 2018	BBB (babybatterblasting)	Turn yourself into a petrified rock statue.
10 Jul 2018	Police raid dream.	Yesterday i had the most peculiar dream. This dream was most peculiar in that i received the interpretation of this dream the instant i awoke. I was at a friends house, but in real life i do not know these people or the house. The house is always the same. I had borrowed a pair of pants in the previous dream and was to return them. I went to change to discover i didn't bring an extra pair of pants so i said let me return them to you next time... ok. There was to be a party outside and people began showing up, so we went outside. Shortly after i had to pee so i went thru the back yard past the shed into the woods. I was about to relieve myself when i heard cars pull up at the house and loud shouting, "Police this is a raid get down get down...." I said: "time to go". I ran into the woods past a back alley and further into the woods. In 30 more meters a path oped up and i took it. The path forked, and i went right. As the path curved i came to an opening where i saw a pond. I thought i must return later and go fishing. Once i saw the whole pond i saw hundreds and hundreds of racoons. When they saw me they all ran at me, screetching and howling. I had a small chain and i whipped it at them. The racoons stopped and I ran. I saw them all turn and run to my friend's house. I saw an opening in the woods to a building which was a doctor's office where I went to as a young child. I had to use the restroom very badly by now so i ran there. Building was locked up. Down the road was a McDonalds. I hurried to the restroom only to discover inside it was a hair salon but all the salon chairs were toilets like in jail, stainless steel. There was a lady cleaning them with a blue cleaner. In the back was one toilet that was not so out in the open. But a little old lady ran in front of me and sat down. She must have had the flu because she was murdering that toilet. I waited and when she flushed water came out even running over her legs. So i went next door to another place and in this bathroom there was a party with at least 30 people. I asked an employee if there was a toilet anywhere. He took me to a hidden door and inside the restroom was a used clothing thrift store. To the right was a restroom. I was about to explode in my pants. The stall door opened to a staircase and had a canvas strap tied to a backpack. I had to put the backpack over random junk to keep the door closed. As i sit down on the toilet i woke up. I was in pain i had to go to the bathroom so bad. I must have peed for 2.5 minutes with a constant and highly pressurised stream. As i laughed about my dream it made the pee stream gain more pressure in sync with my laughter, which made it hurt even more.
05 Jul 2018	סוניה סוחו	Cut vains
27 Jun 2018	Ari	ahogándote con un chicle
27 May 2018	Saggy tits in bollywood	Its been so long for an update... me thinks mouchette has killed herself. Someone at last has submitted the best way, and she did it. After all these years. What ever shall we do now? Where shall we go?
08 May 2018	Dreams do come true.	I had a bizzare dream the other day. I just took a short 20 minute nap in a chair, but the dream seamed to last for hours. In this dream I was killing myself. The first time I cut my wrists. Real deep down inbetween the bones. I could feel my body getting cold and I felt all the blood left in me draw up into the center of me where all the organs are. They teach this in classes for paramedics. I could literaly feel myself die. But I instantly awoke into another dream. I knew the only way to wake up was to die in the dream. In this dream there was no knife only rope. I tied a slip knot and put around my neck. I tied the other end around the closet rod. I got on my knees and leaned foward. I could feel my face get hot, and then slowly I couldnt see and I got weak. I passed out. Then I awoke in my bed. I was in another dream unable to wake up. This is when an idea came to me. Maybe this time i am not dreaming. Maybe if I kill myself this time it is for real. And I dont wake up and I dont wake up in another dream and I am dead for real. And then I thought the only way to know for sure is go on mouchette.org and submit this story. If it gets posted then I am not dreaming. If it never gets put up then I am still trapped in this dream and so I can put these scissors to good use.

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