Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
10 Aug 2005	Rachel	I am just turning 13 I live in hatred of all humans. for years i have attempted suicide, cutting my wrists and throat, drinking iodine (some kind of brownish liquid that is fatal if one drinks to much, jumping off cliffs, sufficating, starving, etc. Every day I go to school, try to tear the throats out of about anyone I see. They don't think I would. Why haven't I? They're faster than me. stronger faster, but not more beautiful, no human can ever be that. They are scared to death of me, I can tell. Those who claim to love me might, but what the hell does that do? I dream night after night, and during the day too of killing them all, then being shot dead but someone trying to stop me. And it's not only them. Call me lazy, I hate all assignments and work. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the best existence or non esistance ever, this life is about a .00000000000001. It just plain sucks. Death aka nothing would be about a 5, not good nessecarily, but definatly not bad. anything higher is impossible. No one seems to think I'll do it, they ignore the slashing everyone can see on my wrists, but and of couse, I can't legally buy firearms... yet. I know existance sux and it wont get any better. One thing has stopped me. Survival instints. God damn survival instints. Everyone is born with them. They are what has kept me body from being found crushed at the bottom of a building. Don't ever think that suicide is "the easy way out." It's not. Oh, sure I've got my share of therepists, who doesn't. But if I ever told them this, they would stop me. I like nature, maybe I would starve, be killed by a mountain lion or finds somepoisonous plants. but every part of it that still exists is owned but someone. I could never go there. One thing is for sure though. The only thing that can stop me from killing myself is something or someone else doing so. I probably screwed this up, put it in the wrong section or something. woop de doo i dont care. As for that post about the dark room, well isnt that amazing. You seem to forget all the other crap of life. I would definatly prefer the dark room with no sound, sight, heat cold etc. I'm suicidal and YOU'E not going to change it. PS. No I do not want to be "freinds" with you, If you're On this site you probably don't want that either. They dont exist anyway. ANYONE with a boyfreind/girlfreind/husband/wife/whatever is deluding themselves. I would say the best way is to convince your body you're not getting rid of it. If theres nothing after death, wich chances extremely highly are there isn't, I can live with that. Or maybe "live" isn't the right word.
09 Aug 2005	whoremoans	It's terrible that I found myself rather amused by what most people have to say here. I was getting a bit of a sick kick out of it. When i was 15/16 (Im 18 now) I was a hardcore cutter. You'll never see scars like mine. I couldn't count them - and they're deep. I'd literally use shards of glass or exacto knives or whatever. I even almost killed myself when i was *on* the psych ward right under the nose of about 20 nurses and 4 shrinks. The interesting thing is- My suicidal thought worstened as they upped the dosage of the medication. I was taking Effexor XR. It's a big maroon tablet, looks like a horse pill. After I nearly OD'd, they took me (and anyone else on the ward under 18) off the meds as they saw it was clearly unfit for the maturing brain. For the last year and half, I haven't been on medication at all. Most people couldn't possibly believe i was suicidal, minus the physical evidence. I had even slit my throat. I'm alive, and well, and couldn't be happier. Furthermore, there should be absolutely no circumstance to kill yourself (especially if you're under 13). If you are 70 years old and dying from some terrible cancer and you're becomming a vegetable, by all means, get it over with quick. If you've lost the ability to communicate and you're trapped inside your own head, I can imagine that it's not really worth it at that point either. Anything short of that however, is unacceptable. Life is beautiful, you just have to change your perspective if you don't see it that way. Go lie in a bed of flowers, or pet your cat or your dog... or make funny faces at a little baby and watch them smile with the purest glee.
08 Aug 2005	crimson red	ok this is for everyone, ok background info on me, molested when i was three to about 8 by father and grandfather, mom was a lesbian, have a guys name tattooed on my ass who i am not with, and i am jaded, which means "damaged goods", suffered depression and social phobia since i was about 8, began attmepting suicide at nine,in sixth grade people would find it funny to watch me choke myself, and became a self mutilator at 13, and then my best friend killed herself two weeks ago, broke up with only person that ever made me feel like a real person on monday! so i know a little bit about suicide, and i do not recommend it for anyone, just some people realize early in life that they cant see anything in the future for them, not even life. like me, the only thought that my mind entertains these days is life after death. But before you decide thats what you want without a doubt, you have to research it, you have to figure out the best way for you, you cant listen to what works for other people because obvisously it hasnt worked for them! and tourniquet girl, your friend may feel depressed but is not clinacly depressed, there is a difference, she wants attnetion, she wants sympathy, empathy, pity, and for someone to, i am sorry, kiss her ass, and stop taking test to see if you are depressed, those tests are designed to get you on medication and so people think they have a problem when they dont! and i dont know your story so i am not saying you arent, but you have to decide for yourself, everyone knows their own body well enough to determine that on their own. and huh wat name?????? no one needs a smart ass, maybe you should be a motivational speaker ya know really boost everyones spirits, actually you would probably make me want to jump off the damn golden gate bridge! and ya mam, evidentally slitting your wrist is not sufficient enough, dont give advice that hasnt worked for you, and especially if you havent tried it!( but if anyone does ever OD, try getting high and drunk first, weed supresses your bodies instinct to throw up when it takes in toxins, and the alcohol will make you even more depressed to go ahead and do it) but just so everyone knows if you do commit suicide you arent going to go to heaven, and if you do it because you want someone to see how they hurt you remember you wont be here to see them suffer or for them to apologize or to want you back and wish they hadnt fucked you over
07 Aug 2005	Ainslie	Reflections on Suicide. The end No more pain No more joy No more tears No more smiles No more anxieties No more satisfactions No pressure to achieve No more achievements No more hatred No more love No more dark nights No more splendid sunrises No more frustrations No more accomplishments No more angry words No more terms of endearment NO MORE and amputation that you imagined as a clean surgical cut but instead is a bloody, jagged me that won't heal and soils everyone you ever cared about and cared about you. We are left, puzzled, bloodied, wounded No longer vibrant , whole confident Now we go forth handicapped, missing an essential limb, that will never be replaced and always longed for. Your legacy, sorrow, betrayal, anger, guilt. An ignoble reciprocation of so much love You should have chosen to stay, fight, argue fail disappoint me and keep streching the narrow confines of my perimeter. Instead you are gone I am stagnant, in stupor I view my world and fear to face the agonizing beauty and pain of life I think of joining you and realize you took the best part of me with you. In this zombie state, I wander in the shadow world The atrium of death where I must decide which exit left or right, left into cold night right into the endless struggle and bloody battles of life. No longer equipped for the fight, minimized traumatized disregarded anguished. I curl up in this atrium and lick my wounds that will not heal and look inside to find purpose to reinvent my life to reinvest my energies to find my courage that will allow me to foolishly continue with this life. No longer whole, No longer young trustful but, bloodied old tired a shadowy remnant of my old self I set out to continue alone. sucide is never a joke its real just never ever believe its the only option left dont be weak dont take the easy way out, dont be like me!!
07 Aug 2005	Ainslie	under 13 shouldnt try and kill them selfs. im 16 and i hav tryed many times the most recent was about 2 weeks ago and im still suffering the afects now i tryed to overdose now i know to take more next time, yes next time i gave up on life am just waiting to end it, its not ok to do that but as i see it, its my last option. DONT ANYONE ELSE DO IT you have you life a head of you you just hav to ride these feelings out it will pass life gets better if u let it, if you are thinking of sucide force your self to talk it works trust me, im trying to get over sucide but its hard when the thought stays in your head as it has been in my head for 2 years and it has slowly taken over all i think about is suicide, its hard to handle and its only a matter of time before i try again. the best thing to do is find out what sets you off what makes you think this is the last option, all you need is time and space to clear you head space to breath, im just lucky my boy friend stayed alive after he tryed to hang him self it was so hard i cryed so hard it was hard to breath and i thought if he dies im going with him and the next day thats what i planned to do but i had second thoughts i wana die but i dont want to hurt anyone mostly the people i love and care about i dont want them to feel as bad as i did that night. keep your friends close and talk about it get it out of you you can hold so much but nothing more tell some one u feel this way. this is a reason my boy friend gave me to try and change my mind: At least 5 people in this world love u so much they would die for you, at least 15 other people love you in some way, think how much thoses people would hurt if you left them. just think of the people who would cry and miss you, every action has a reaction!!
31 Jul 2005	zechariah	well, i dont know about all this 13 shit but i do kno depression is a major obstical for everyone... sumthing i have learned is that no matter who you are your problems are worse than anyones... so its kind of ironic when people talk about their problems and expect someonw to fix them and make them go away. how can anyone fix your problems when their too worried about their own? yet we all expect to get sympathy from others when your getting enough from your self. the best thing to deo in the situation is not to physically kill yourself but kill the part of you that gives a shit about what others think and start foucusin on what your gonna do next for yourself. LEARN TO BE SELFISH many ppl who are suicidal are also selfless they care more for others than themselves and when they feel that no care is being returned its depressing.
30 Jul 2005	My smile is a lie	Hi, I'm not telling you my name but, I'm a suicide addict. Oo that hurt...I've been trying to commit suicide since I was like 6. I'm 21 now. I still think about ending it all. I've been through all that aggravating therapy, nothing has solved it. Deep and dark thoughts enter my mind time to time. I'm getting my own apartment soon and I think I might get me a gun and blow my brains out or find some rational way out of this hell. I don't have any real friends or family, no one to turn to, total isolation. This pain seems to never seize. It's always there, all I feel all over my fuckin body. Everytime someone tries to get close to me I turn away, no matter what. No one would fuckin give a damn when I'm gone anyways, they don't care right now that I'm alive, why should they care when I'm dead. I just hope whenever I do it that my body is not found, I'll do it somewhere no one goes, off a cliff somewhere deep into a lake. I'm just one big fucking joke when it comes to any relationship. It's like oh...I'm a 15 yr old girl with a stupid crush on this guy and he really fucking cares, not! So, I stop all relationships, altogether and them only hoping to be my friend after starting a so called relationship, how can anyone be someone's friend who just leaves them behind and like you don't know. I'm sick of it. I'm ending my life soon and no one can stop me.
25 Jul 2005	tiger	I have suffered from depression 4 7 yrs i m 14 the reason 4 my depression is ovious weight issues and sexual melestation by family members and close frenz this world has treated me horribly which is y i have attempted suicide atleast 30 times n my life by over dosing cutting hanging myself and starving all would have been successful if my mom woodn have tooken me to the dam hospital afterwards i suffer from anerexia im 5'3' and wiegh 82 pounds i m huge i no also my step dad has melested me millions of times but my mom wont believe she thinx hes a good man but i cant tell the cops cuz he said he wood bury me alive n the mountains its really scary to b told how ur going to die i used to wah 107 and i wood duck tape my fat back which wood leave scars on my stomach and legs which i still hav i wor the tape at 10 and 14 m still suffering from my past decisions well im done with life im killin mysself sooner or later ill b happy dead
21 Jul 2005	Mary	This is such a coincidence I was searching for some other site and i stumbled onto this one. Must be God wanted me to tell my story. The best way to kill yourself is no way read my story and understand. This is what happened to me at 13 when I tried to kill myself. So if you thinks that suicide will end your misery I say Hah!Think again. I tried committing suicide when i was 13. Lucky for me that it did not work. When I woke up I was in total darkness. I did not remember that I had killed myself. I could not imagine what had happened to me. I thought it was another mean thing that was happening to me and somebody had locked me in a box while I was sleeping. It felt like a box or a room but i could not touch any walls or floor. I was numb or felt weird. It was like i was stoned but could not see or hear anything. I was really frightned. I was totally alone in the darkness no sound no light no heat no cold. Nothing. I shouted and cried but it's as if nothing came out.The darkness absorved everything. I don't know how long I was there I started to babble and I think i started to pray. Not that I knew anything about praying or believed in God but I was desperate. "God some say you exist if you do please help me." I kept shouthing and then just mumbling over and over and over "God please help me, please hear me, someone please...God ...somebody help...what happening let me out." Well anyways I kept repeating something like that over and over it seemed to me like years. Eventually I noticed a very faint light. I ran towards it but I kept loosing sight of it and I would cry and pray over and over God help me.. god help me." and the light seemed getting brighter. I finaly got to the light and to my amazement it was a glass window looking out onto a beautiful land. Something like the countryside. Green grass and forest. The sun was shinning I saw colorful birds fly by. There was a little pool and I saw deers go up to drink. Far in the distance I saw people picking flowers i even saw kids running by. There was like a stone road leading through the fields into the forest. I could not find a way to get through. I tried breaking the glass. Knocking on it but nothing. I was stuck in the dark while on the other sside was a beautiful world. I kept beating my fist and kicking the window but nothing until this tall person appeared. I could not really tell if it was a man or a woman and I could not really see it's features he was very bright and I think was dressed in long flowing robes. The glass dissapeared and I could now smell and hear the sounds on the other side. Beautiful musical sounds like wind chimes and the rustle of leaves sweet smell of roses or floweres. "What are you doing here asked the being. This is not the way in." he said. "I am lost and in a dark room and I don't know why or where. Please let me in." "Sorry but I cant. Even if I let you you wouldn't be ablwe to step in no matter how you hard you tied. Tthis is the Law - You can only come in by the proper entrance." "But where am I and how did I get here?" "You are in transision, neither alive or dead. You tried to end your life before it's time. You should thank the Lord otherwise you would still be in the dark." "But I was in pain and could not take it anymore I just wanted to end it all." "Hear me well I Micheal Lord of the Way tell you this There is no death and no ending. Life is just a school. If you flunk this lesson you will just have to go back and relearn. Next time it may be harder lesson. You chose this life now you have to live it." No no I did not and I refuse to live it anymore." Then I felft such love and comfort from him. "I know you are suffering but you are a beautiful and stong soul and you decided on this life to help others. Be comforted in knowing that you have the ability to make your life get better. Look" He said and pointed ahead. Then I saw myself a little older laughing and I could see that I was happy and enjoying life. There were other people around me I think I was talking to them or councelling them and then very quickly I saw lots of scnenes. I think it was about my futur and of all the people that were helped because of my being alive. I can't remember most of my futur but I think I had a loving family anf kids. Then he showed me the souls of the people that where hurting me and deep within them I could see darkness, I understood that they were lost and afraid that's why they were cruel. I realized that for some of them it would take more than this life to heal. "Please let me come in here now I don't want to deal with life and the pain anymore. I changed my mind" "No its either through the darkness till you find the entrance." He ponted back in the dark or back to life until your proper time." And I knew I wanted to come back and experience what I saw. Then I opened my eyes in a hospital. Let me tell you it wasn't easy to be back but it was better than alone in the dark and my life has gotten better. I have worked on it. I even learned to pray and pray everyday and I feel better. I have done researched ( www.are-cayce.com ) and found out that Micheal Lord of the way is the Head of Angels and figths to keep evil away and show the way to God. Every once in awhile I say thank you Micheal Lord of Way and I thank God for a second chance at this life."
17 Jul 2005	NOT A B.D.D PERSON	I think it is not helpful telling people they may have BDD. I considered that myself but it isn't BDD if you really are ugly. BDD label is often given to good looking or average people who are obsessed with the way they look and are ogften attention seekers. You are either ugly or you are not. For those of you who are not ugly and who say 'just get on with it, beauty is skin deep, people shouldn't judge you by your appearances etc..' then I say see how it would be to spend a day being someone like me. I am an intelligent 23 year old and I know what I see in the mirror. I have known I was ugly since I was a teenager. I have also suffered from depression on and off since then as well. Being ugly can have a huge impact on your life and can casue the most severe depression. I'm not saying my depression is caused by it, more that the way I feel about myself is made worse by the depression. My doc/counsellor says that people have negative thoguhts caused my distorted thinking. Much the same way an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees someone fat, I think that is crap. I look in the mirror and i can see what i can see. I am well educated and have a good brain, and I know reality when I see it. The fact is I am ugly - not attention seeking like some of the more egotistical of you on here ("I'm pretty so why do people call me ugly?" Get over yourselves and you'd realise that if you had a life to focus on you wouldnt be so self centred and ever thought people might just be seeing your arrogance and ugly personlity - if you're walking round all day thinking how gorgeous you are people will dislike you. It isn't jealousy - it is becasue you are probably not a nice person.) Most of you on here moan about having a big nose, or being hairy or focus on one or two things. Well think yourself lucky you're not ugly all over. I hate my face and i hate my body - it is revolting and even makes me feel sick. I'm not going to list all that is wrong with me. I dont need to because they just are. I cant find clothes cos i need something that covers me (and no this isn't a weight issue before anyone says that). I need all my skin covered - have you any idea how depressing it is to have to cover yourself up totally or not be able to tgo out of the house? Especially in the summer when you cant take your clothes off and the shops are full of clothes that don't cover you? When you are ugly all over and need to try and hide it so people arent repulsed it takes over EVERYTHING. I can't live a normal life or do noraml thigns that everyine else can. I miss out on a lot and i wantt o keep away from other people. Yet I am so unhappy and lonely. I have never found the key to acceptign how ugly I am, and how to accept the fact that I wil never find someone to love me totally and who wants to be with me 100%. It just isn't going to happen. I work so hard on my good qualities - I am a good mother, a loyal friend, I have a very good education I worked hard for, and I have a great sense of humour and often an endearing personlity. But it doesn't matter. Truth is we all judge people on first appearances whether consciously not. Who cares if I have the qualities listed above - no one is going to find out. And before anyone says if they cant see past that they're not worth it... please don't bother. I want to know how I accept my ugliness and knowing I will be alone forever?? That's my problem, not BDD. I am only obsessed because i am so repulsive and it's taking over my life and my thoughts. I do not have self esteem issues or else why woud I see my good points?? It's because I am genuinely ugly - I have never seen anyone more ugly than me. There just ins't anyone.
17 Jul 2005	megan	im 13. i started having suicidal thoughts about a year ago when my sis was diagnosed with a brain tumor. i thought i couldnt handle it if she died. i thought i should just kill my self now and spare the pain. i could never figure out how to do it tho. but about a couple months ago my sister died. i prayed to god to just kill me over night. somedays it gets better somedays it gets worse.
15 Jul 2005	Lo	i am 17 years old. for 6 years i have been severly depressed. Believe me evrey suicide path there is i have considered it. However the only way i have tried is stabbing myself with a knife and didnt even get to do it. My mum saw me and wrestled the knife off of me. Next comes doctors then comes councilling and then comes shrinks. Presently i am waiting to see one however i dont know if i will even be here when the time comes. the only reason that i have not continued in trying to end my pittiless life is because i cannot think of a way that would hurt me enough. I need to feel the pain and yet i cannot describe to anyone why i have this need. Am i scared i am petrified and yet i am unable to exit from this cycle of misery. I fear going on anti-depressants in case i am never to live without them again. i understand it when peopple think they only have one answer to their predicament and do not feel strong enough to carry on. I hate myself there is not one aspect of my life why i feel i should carry on. I hate with all my might my job, a-level work, homelife but for me their is no solution.
12 Jul 2005	Shinji Ikari	Reading everyone's stories here makes me feel even worse about myself.. I have nothing wrong in my life really, and reading your posts just makes me feel selfish. I find that I feel I cannot go on living even though everything could be seen as great in my life. To see me around people no-one would ever guess the thoughts that I have, they plague my mind every day.. I like most here feel that to put my parets though the torment of seeing me deformed by any kind of mutilating suicide would be too much to put on them.. I just feel so selfish because to anyone looking in my life could be seen as "perfect" yet I have lost all will to continue living..
10 Jul 2005	CORPSE	Once I tried to do it when I was 14, unluckily dad took me to the hospital. Now HIV is doing it. The funny fact is that now I don't want to die.
08 Jul 2005	fallen angel	all these people are telling you to slit your wrists. DONT. if you dont cut deep enough your head is left fucked up and you have terrible scars. i am speaking from personal experience. i have been adviesed by plenty of people to hang myself but i havent got round to it yet. if you are only depressed for a little while then please dont kill yourselfs you have your whole lives ahead of you. BUT if you feel the only realese you have is suicide then that is your chocie. i have tried to kill myself 4 times before and if you are the same then you need to think, mabye the reason you arnt dieing is because you arnt ment to die yet. the only way out, is the way through
02 Jul 2005	BULLYS FUCK PEOPLE'S LIFES UP	Anyhow, Always being different and wanting to fit in, I became a bully''s target, emotionally, and, verbaly to a somewhat lesser extent, physically. when someone did not like me growing up. I took it to heart really personal. It was something that really upset everyday, i was scared to go to school. I lost interest quickly, If it was not for the bullying i would of done well my time in school I LITTERALLY DREADED getting out of bed early each morning to almost daily suffering and little or no learning in such an environment. dont well in my studys. Even a certain teachers bullied me in there own way.( they said that i treated people like shit when i did not) i got bullied for beibg ugly for fuck sake. While I was lucky enough to make some friends who understood me, I cannot think of ONE family memeber who did not in some way hurt me intentionally. A family member even went so far as to set me up for something he did, in order to see me bear nasty consequences.(becasuse of are mad family) some thing else that really upset me. Almost all the people I am now closest too are not what society would call family for the mere virtue of not being biologically related to me. this is how i used to be at school: as a teenager: My name is Someone and I want to tell you about myself. My name is not important, but I am DIFFERENT in life. I am wierd and ugly to lots of people. They don''t like me, etc. I am wierd and horrible looking. I will tell you I am different because I have never had a friend or a boyfriend. I am too ugly for anyone. People in general. I don''t like nasty or nosey people. I have to deal with these everyday of my life. They''re bullies and nasty people and plain nosey. I will never have a boyfriend is what they say. I''m too ugly. They laugh at me as I am ugly. They make me feel small when they feel BIG. Nobody to talk to, only you here. I''m hated because I''m ugly. I hate the people. I''m not their type. Spoiled and horrible is how I see a lot of people here. They are ALWAYS horrible. They always want to hurt the weakest one or something, they are JUST PLAIN NASTY. I don''t know why people are like it. I hate my looks and body. I have no friends because I am a real ugly person. The truth is I have been on my own since I was ugly and I am really ugly now. I am alone and it''s ok with me but I just wanted to let others know if you are an ugly person too with no friendship or relationships. My life has gone from bad to worse etc. I am ugly. The real truth is Noone cares about me. That''s the truth. Plans in my life have backfired and I am full of mistakes. I believe I an ugly because of my mistakes. When I was a teenager I cut my wrists pretty badly. I never told anyone really. I had no real friends, but I lost a lot of blood. I am starving myself. I am skinny and I want to be thinner because I think I am too fat, even though I am thin. So I am starving myself and losing blood, all because I get bullied in my life. I find it hard to find an on-going job now and keep it. I''m bad tempered too. I am always tired because of life. People say to me get a life, you''re sad etc. But they don''t understand me. How can they? They''re pretty. People think I don''t try making friends and all bad things that go on in my life is my fault. I''m screwed up. I will never trust people enough to have friends and I will never get married and have kids as I am screwed up inside and out. I stay in the home most of the time as I am scared that bullying will still go on and it does. I just am one big scared cat. I guess I am just an ugly person. I always will be. Family don''t want me there or maybe I''m just one big baby. I am talking about having NO FRIENDs, not even in the family. You can''t judge me until you see me. Thank you for your time. i am not deformed or nothing i am just ugly that what people tell me. can't beileve people can be so nasty. look down at me like everything is my fault. i wonder the people who bullied me are sorry for what they have done in my life. read the other storys i have wrote doen on this site i will stop posting now. ps: BULLYS FUCK PEOPLE'S LIFES UP. NEVER LET THEM WIN THERE NOT WORTH IT OK. Thank you for your time. c.j
01 Jul 2005	me again	Last year I had no real friends. The people who said they were my friends seemed to always have something mean to say to me. I walked around with my head down while people laughed and made fun of me. This year I was on the color guard on marching band. I made a lot of great friends and I started talking about my problems. Now color guard is over and I am depressed again! I can’t sleep and I have nightmares. I don’t want to eat. I feel hopeless.”
01 Jul 2005	CJ	I live in fucking regret every day. I wallow in it. I am a loser, a geek, and ugly. Completely fucking ugly. I whine and bitch about my life and my circumstances. I expect you to listen and dont fucking CARE. The most arrogant bitch alive-- and probably also the most unfeeling, uncaring, and insensitive as well. I have a positive outlook toward self-hatred. It would do the world a favor if somebody would just fucking OFF me. I hate children and teenagers. I hate myself and I hate you. Everything arises from chaos and seeks order. I bleed, for you. I hate you because you aren't strong enough to hate yourself. Your pissy little world isn't enough for me. Own a cat i am a dog. I'm an idiot. I'm clumsy. I don't understand innuendo, subtlety, or hints. I've lied to, hurt, broken, lost, and desecrated everything and everyone that I've ever loved or who has ever loved me. Pack your fucking god and your fucking love up and get the fuck out. My job has eaten my soul. I love so many people who can never love me. I never had a soul. The concept is bullshit. I am a huge disappointment. I'm /ugly. I'm dishonest. I dream about being more than I am, but know it's only a dream. I realize that everyone has hated me for a long, long time. Drink alcohol and inbreed. I am powered by rage, and driven by anger. I want to find someone else like me. I want to harness the power of indifference, and learn what it means to really stop caring. I hate for you because you do not understand how to hate properly. If other people think you are grotesque, I want to know you. I can only assume I'll be alone forever. I see spots before my eyes. I don't drive a van. You just wouldn't fucking understand. Shit on my love for you. What you see as beauty I see as ugliness. Sickening the beautiful people would be justice enough. All my friends are gone, or going-- it appears that I'm destined to suffer through this in solitude. Throughout history, there have existed few people lazier than I. I'm am such a pathetic prick. I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this. I've always deserved this. I will always be deserving of this. I am this monster. I am your monster. So far I've found you five times-- four times if you forgive my indiscretion. Give me some fucking motivational drivel, religion, and a camping trip, then fuck the fuck off. Do not tell me this is art. This isn't expression, it's excretion. Tell me how serious you are about being annoying. Let your fucking kids run wild in the back yard. Don't you dare fucking hurt the cats. I am determined to see that this text grows longer every day. I am determined to stop caring. Look at me! I'm a statistic! I am determined to be loathed and to loathe. I am a fat, smelly fucking dem-o-graphic. I should probably take up playing fucking computer games, realtime chat, and smoking. I long to find somebody who I can appreciate. I should set myself on fire. I should be trendy, enigmatic, and wacky. I should drive into a tractor trailer. You should boil your head. Please just let me suffer. I wish I had nothing to lose. Is there anybody else out there that feels like me? I suffer so you do not have to. You should suffer, too. All of you should suffer. Just stop being attractive to me! I am cursed to be the only person that has ever seen myself as special. Are you ugly? Do you hate you? Could you hate me, too?
01 Jul 2005	CJ	Hello! I googled a bit and found this site. I feel like I would like to talk to someone about my problem, but nobody seems to understand. Heck, I don't even understand it myself. I feel stupid and I feel like I am going crazy... and I thought, maybe here I can find someone who will listen and help me sort out what I am going through. I'm afraid I am going insane. Thanks for reading this. felt so alone right now. I've been crying for the last hour or so. I took a Xanax but it doesn't seem to help. Maybe I should take another one. I feel so ashamed of myself. I don't even know how to explain what my problem is. I don't even seem to have one. At least that's what everyone else seems to think. and although I'm ashamed, I feel relief in being able to share my troubles. It is people they scare me to death. I'm a WRECK. How many Xanax do I have to take to get a "happy feeling"? I'm afraid to try.But I hated children all my life. I think it might depend on the fact that I was a pretty chubby and really girl when I was little, and the kids were really cruel to me back then. I hated childhood, and I always felt comfortable around adults, but never around children. went to a councellor last year, and it didn't help. Then my doctor sent me to a psychiatrist. I saw him once, I hated him, he didn't even listen to what I had to say and then he talked down to me, while handing me a prescription for Paxil. It made me feel miserable. i am so nervous all the time and alone what is the ponit of being alive. i will kill my self some time soon. Good night (or good morning!), and thank you for letting me talk.
26 Jun 2005	SpookyPenguin	Okay i'm under 13 and i've learned that there is no BEST way to kill yourself. Killing yourself is really hard to do even if you got all them fellings telling you you to do it and you really really want to. Taking pills doesn't work half the time because normal pills like Advil, tumbs, and others don't kill you. Dey just almost kill you or make ya feel real sick. Cuting your self or using a knife or blade is hard too. I remember times were i just have tooken anything sharp near me and started cutting at my skin over and over again. I never broke da skin though... Laying on rail rode tracks fucking hurts to... also, you gotta have to be able to live with the fact that you killing your self killed all the people riding that train to. I never have got my hands on a gun I don't know what it feels like to get shot so i can't explain that to you. I sometimes get fucking pissed at myself and the world over the stupidist things... Suicides imposible to describe it's like an emotion with in an emotion. Also when you kill yourself over emotion only you can feel people call you stupid or a "Posuer" or a chiken who can't deal wiht reality ...This really fucking pisses me off some times. There is alot of shit that runs throuhg your mind when you try to kill yourself... I fucking hate it i wish you could just press a button and start a new life and forget about everything... (P.S.) I found this site by looking up Easy ways to kill yourself on google caus i got really mad and went insane i was like havin a Identidy Chrisis/depression/boredum/low blood sugar. And then looking to google for the fucking answer... (P.P.S) I'm okay now...

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