Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
18 Oct 2003	MauvaisSouhait	I've been suicidal for a while now. I'm 16 and almost finished with HighSchool. Trying to get into a college and things are stressful. I'm not the "typical" suicidal teen as most. I wasn't raped or abused. For some reason i've always been depressed, I've never been able to be happy no matter what went on. Making honor roll, having boyfriends, nothing. I had a lot of friends then when i hit highschool i got sick of everything. I began to realize that ppl suck. I was always picked on but hey, most teens are. But for some reason i can't handle this torment at all. I do want to become a writer u know and go to college but w/ things going on at school i just wanna die. I'm a cutter, thats what i do... i cut myself. I've taken pills before but they never seem to have any effect on me. Though i think tonight i'll try again. I just want to die but then i'm afraid to depress my mom, dad, and brother. But i'm not happy. I think it's just time to die. Too many bad things for me to begin to handle, especially alone.
15 Oct 2003	leanne	Thomas, I'd just like to say Welcome, and that you are in no way alone here. forget people who dont seem to find you attractive out there and have made the assumption of you being gay... forget them 1)girls in this world.. in this fucked up place are just getting to be too much trouble, 2) they're only out for themselves. And be there for your mum. even though your family somehow blames you, that's not your fault, not your problem, not your concern... well it is a concern but not one you're responsible for. dont let people walk all over you for your mistakes, everybody makes them and hell... life is one big mistake... the way this world functions is a big fucking error and mistake. you gotta stand tall at work, dont let people take the piss, coz they'll lose respect for you and you'll lose it for yourself. when you feel shit&down, which is all the time with depression, you can always come here. there are good fucking people here, the best bunch you'll eva find and discover, like i myself have discovered. nobody judges anybody, or looks down on anybody, we're all on the same level and im sure we'll all be here for you... you wanna be angry, do that, scream,rant&rave, get it out coz nobody will understand you better than us. so welcome again and keep visiting.
25 Aug 2003	hayley-j	hi my name is hayley and i think about constantly killing myself, my life hasnt been the best but it certainly hasnt been the worst. i wont bore u with my shitty little life but i cant tell u how selfish i feel for wishing i was dead when i have a gorgeous little baby girl and a gorgeous b/friend. people are much worse off than me and i should be grateful for my life, i have never been raped or abused (well only mentally) but i cannot and dont want to begin to know how it feels. i dont want to die anymore i want to live for all those people who have killed themselves hoping they can see a better life through my eyes. maybe you should do the same please dont do anything to harm yourselves i know it sounds so easy with the words rolling from MY mouth when u dont know me but you dont have to know someone inside out to care for them and all u out there suffering im talking to u personally please email me even if its just to tell me how pathetic this email is cos' at least ur communicating with me i am such a good listener so please dont hesitate
07 Aug 2003	the	darling- forget about so-called sin and guilt and anyone else's god and the temporary (though seemingly eternal) pains of life and the numbing, lulling pull of comforting, unchallenging negativity and self-pity, remember every time you've ever felt like smiling without even knowing why... and the fact that you have experienced (relatively speaking) NOTHING yet- and it ain't all bad- swear. (and i have had some CRAP to deal with- the least of which i can give you a sense of in a quick letter) my only sister just got diagnosed with m.s. last year; this year her husband with prostate cancer; we lost our mom when we were, respectively, 7 & 8 years old; our dad was an alcoholic with a bad attitude (to say the least) who married the step-bitch from hell; i've been raped left by an abusive husband after ten years of marriage and will never have children which i've wanted my whole life; i have no job; no money and my honey lives three thousand miles away. he called me (just a few minutes ago) and told me our friend's sister (35 years old and beautiful and smart and obsiously very unhappy) killed herself a couple of days ago. not THOUGHT about killing herself. not TALKED about WANTING to kill herself... she is G O N E. no goodbyes. no chatting. she will not be able to consider any options of any kind in the future. there is no future for her. nor for her 4-year old daughter in terms of a mommy. if i may call you 'darling' again (i mean no condescending or patronizing address- i just feel so like i want you to feel love- it is out here- all over- however hard to find sometimes) you need to find a person to talk to- and you need to allow yourself to listen to them too. you're here. my sister, who i treasure more and more every day- and who has shared more of herself since her illness than since we were YOUR age (ok- that sounded condescending- but it isn't- swear!) is HERE (and i bet her kids are glad- i KNOW i am). and however scary and uncertain her future- she still has choices- about her health and who she loves and who she can be loved by and what she sees and feels and tastes. hell- you have no IDEA what you are trading in this reality for now do you? no CLUE! (no one does- not einstein- not gandhi- NO one!) so what's your rush? if you just need someone to talk to, you can certainly e-mail me- i will do the best i can to tell you what i think you may be pissing away- though i promise you this- i don't have any answers about how painful and unfair and lonely and difficult things can be at times... but i bet you have someone in your life you just aren't giving a chance to. but seriously- if you feel you don't have anyone who gets it- i will try to tell you best i can why i think you're being a mush and should hang in there. i DO know what the alternative is: when my friends have 'checked out' (and i have lost a few- and miss them every day- and are pretty mad at them still for leaving ME!) they are GONE. bye bye. forever. no recall. and not a ONE has checked in to say things are better on the 'other side' whatever that may or may not be. so i just suggest hanging in there, lame as it sounds. it's work. sorry honey- no smooth ride- no angels offering a lap and cotton candy- but i promise you- there's some pretty cool stuff ahead- if you have the guts... (and i pretty much guarantee loads of hugs if you know how to ask for, and GIVE them... hugs can be better than ANYTHING- from the right people) and there's art and travel and great new foods and kisses and eventually (took me a long time) feeling SAFE and making OTHER people feel good and music and so many things you wouldn't believe it!!! (and i have NO reason to lie) NONE. so- you can write me here if you want- but i promise you this- you are going to have to make the choice and do the work and have the backbone to get through what's making you so sad. no one else can do that- but lots of people will be around for you if you DO. (and just ot show you how crazy a world i KNOW this is: i'm no fool either- if this is a scam or a sham and you write me- i'll make you wish you never learned how to SPELL). but seriously, if not- and you have a problem, i send you hugs and you can write if any of this made any sense and helped at all. love yourself first- the rest follows.
21 Jul 2003	Kay-Kay	U know wat. These r all excusez. An they are all sorry excusez. I am 18 an i use to think like all of u. But guess what, I learn that everybody is different. We all shape different, look different, smell different, act different, and laugh different. But you know what we all love the same with our heart. Why do i wanna be like anybody else. God made me the way he liked me. Not every body is gonna like me. But guess what i am not gonna like everyone. And who sayz there is anything wrong with us being different from each other. Dont you think the world would be boring if everyone looked alike. And i know that God put me here on this earth to help somebody. Just like he put you here on earth to help somebody. And i want to get my reward when i get to heaven so i am going to do the work that God put me on earth to do. I dont mean for you to go out and start scaring people. But know that when the time is right God will show u the reason he put you on mother earth. We are all here for a purpose. And i dont know about you, but me i want to go to heaven. An if u feel like you want to commit suicide, find someone to talk to. If u dont think that anyone is out there who will listen to u then write me and or put me on your body list. I will help you through your time of need. God loves u an so do I. =)
16 Jul 2003	trying to help	if anyone wants to talk.. I will try to help u with anything.. just send me an email or add me to messenger if u need to talk to someone
02 Jul 2003	Cheryl	Just pretend you already have. Every method that you think up - see yourself there in whatever state it is that the method of killing yourself has left you. Perhaps it will be like the young man across the street, who blew half of his skull away, then left himself for his little sister to find. See your mother like I saw his mother, crumpled in the grass and nearly out of her mind with grief. These people will live with what he did to them for the rest of their lives. I live across the street, and the young man and my son used to be friends when they were younger. He would spend the night at my house, and I can still see his little face, peacefully asleep on my couch -- I would cover his feet with another blanket, because his feet were always uncovered. I remember his life and energy, and it is hard to know that, if he'd just waited another day, week, month - waited for the pain to pass - he would still be here. His suicide, though I am just another Mom across the street, triggered my depression that has lasted for three years. I cried for a year, every night, for him. No one would ever guess that I would do that, and no one ever knew. I am 50 years old, and I have two sons. Knowing about depression, I have considered teaching a child about it as important as anything else. I told my sons that no matter what has happened, and no matter how horrible you feel about yourself, the pain WILL pass. All of you here need to know that depression is a chemical imbalance. Many of you describe an unfounded depression - life is good, but you feel so badly about yourself, and all you want to do is escape through death. Many of you do not have a good life, but instead you have to contend with abusive parents, or illness, or failure in school. I hear some of you say you are stupid, yet you write with intelligence. Failing in school can come about simply because depression makes you not want to do anything, and especially studying. Depression interferes with concentration, so you can try to study, but you read it over and over because it doesn't sink in. These conditions have names. They can be depression, bipolar depression, schizophrenia complicated by depression, obsessive/compulsive disorder complicated by depression, ADD or ADHD complicated by depression. Underneath your illnesses, the real you exists - the person who can feel contentment, not give a damn what anyone else thinks, feel joy, look in the mirror and see a wonderful image - whether beautiful or not - a unique and beautiful creation. You are all here for a purpose, and your purpose may or may not be made clear in the next few years, but if you seek it it will find you. One of the worst things about being young is being self-conscious. You feel that everyone is looking at you and thinking bad things about you. Guess what? They're thinking about themselves about 99% of the time. When you come to this realization, you will be free. When I was young and in school, and the teacher would call on me, tears would start running down my face, it was so painful. I barely talked, I was so shy and thinking people did not like me. I thought I was disgusting and not worth anything. Now I look back at the girl I was and cannot imagine how I thought I was ugly and worthless. What a waste of my young life!! I mourn for the child I was, because I never got to be a child. Now when I hear the young people here saying they are worthless, ugly, stupid - it is gut-wrenching for me, and I mourn for your lost young life. When you say you are already dead, or that you may as well be dead, maybe you are expressing what I just said. Your life is lost, because you cannot feel joy and excitement and just peace. School is hard for some of you, and a bad grade on a test can feel as if it is a life-ending matter. I made straight A's in school, and I did it when nobody cared or noticed. It was my obsession, being smart. But as soon as I was out of school, there was no way to tell whether I had done well or badly. No matter what your grades are, just try as hard as you can to improve them to get through it. Just get through it, and then get through college or junior college or trade school. When you are an adult, there is no way to tell whether you made good grades or bad in school. Now, they matter if you want to get into a particular college, but even if you can't, did you know you can start all over in junior college, make some good grades and go on from there? You may have people around you telling you it is the end of the world if your grades aren't good, but I'm here to tell you it is not. Bill Gates was a terrible college student, from what I read, and he dropped out. Later, he finished his degree, but only a couple of years ago. But you DO need an education in this world today to be able to show somebody a piece of paper that says you can make a decent wage. Year in technical school - whatever. So what if you don't go to Princeton? You will join the 99.9999% of us out here that didn't either!! So lighten up on yourselves about school. Do what you need to do to get through it as best you can. Nobody's keeping score after you're out. If you have trouble reading, take yourselves or insist that somebody take you to reading help - adult education center. My son, volunteering, helped a boy who could not read, 12 years old, read like a pro in 6 weeks. Whatever your problem, it is not a mountain - just a little hill to get over. There is a solution to every problem. Please, please live. I cannot see your faces, but I know they are beautiful. Everyone is unique and beautiful. Just for today, take yourself out of yourself for just a while. Go for a walk or a run. Go somewhere isolated and scream. Then sit quietly, close your eyes, and ask for peace. Peace may be death, but we don't really know, do we? But peace in your mind, and contentment in your soul, you can bring about. I know. I was raised by one of the most abusive people on the face of this earth, and daily I was told I was all the names you choose to call yourselves that are so ugly and hurtful. My mother once sat on the edge of my bed and told me that one of these nights, she would come and slit my throat and enjoy doing it. I lived in hell, but I made it out of that hell, doing whatever I could do just to get through. I thought I was the lowest form of life on earth - after all, who is lower than someone whose own mother cannot love them? Now I know she was ill, and I'm so glad I didn't let her make me kill myself. I found love, had two boys who are so wonderful it hurts. I grew up to make two young men know they were loved every second of every day, and I was a great mother to them. They will tell anyone that. My husband is crazy about me. I know I'm OK. But I used to be like you, and feel the way you do. Still I am bothered by depression when something goes wrong, and everything is going wrong right now. Suicide is not an option. Why? My life's purpose was to love people, and that's maybe why I was denied love as a child. See, a reason for everything. We are here to learn, and some of us have harder lessons, but we are the lucky ones. Without knowing pain, knowing joy is just so much more exquisite. All the hard lessons just make us more grateful for the good when it comes. And it WILL come, I promise you. As corny as it sounds, God really does love you. I think when you cry, God cries, and you can't destroy His creation. Care about Him, if you can't care about yourselves for a while. There is medication for you, and if you get a medication that makes you feel like a zombie, open your mouth and tell your parents or the doctor that you want to try another one. One of my neighbors told me that she takes Zoloft for her depression, and that she'd probably have to take it the rest of her life. I nearly fell down, it was such a shock, because a happier and more enthusiastic person you never met. Say this: The light of God surrounds me. The love of God enfolds me. The power of God protects me. The presence of God watches over me. Wherever I am, God is, and all is well. I am sending my love to all of you now. Please live. Just tell yourselves that killing yourselves is not an option. And it isn't. It is not an option because you won't do that to those you love. It is not an option because you have no idea what happens after you die. What if you will be doomed to repeat the worst parts of your life for eternity? Could be - I don't know, and neither do you. If you don't believe in an afterlife, just know that there are few deathbed atheists. I don't believe in Hell as some fiery torture chamber, but I believe it could be separation from God. Live your lives and work at getting better, and tell people you need some help. That is your first step toward becoming a healthy and happy person. You can do it, and you do not know if it is right around the corner that you will feel like you wish you had 200 years to live. Some days will feel that way, and others not so good. It is the human condition. It is true that suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. I care that you live a good, long life. Be here tomorrow.
27 Jun 2003	empty and lost	will- it's like 12:30 and i ran across your post. I don't even know you and I want to be there for you. Alot of shit's going on in my life right now, and honestly I'm think of myself as a pretty fucked up person i need someone. could we maybe be friends? Please don't do anything, please? Will could you maybe write me soon, just let me know you're ok?
26 Jun 2003	just a girl	will, babe.. please dont.. i know how much you just want to give into that feeling.. trust me i know.. i want to give in so bad, and just give up too... but now isnt the time.. what will you be proving if you give up now? nothing.. who will you be hurting if you give up now? everyone.. at least allow more time, at least hang onto every little thing you have left, at least consider my feelings will.. and dont do this.. at least not now....
24 Jun 2003	Joe	Listen, everyone - I want you to know that what you're going through is NOT the end, and that you can overcome it. I am NOT a teen - I'm 39 years old, but for some weird reason I did a search for "I want to commit suicide" on Google tonight. I'm not sure why, but I was feeling odd. And yes, I did try to kill myself when I was a teen... it was January 4, 1977, to be exact... long before any of you were born. I took a bottle of aspirin (around 29 was all that was there), along with some medicine I had been prescribed for colidous (sp?). Why? Because my life sucked at the time, and I thought there was no way out. I had been depressed for months and had even been committed to a hospital mental ward for this. I was ready to go. But you know what? I woke up from my hopeful death sleep, with a ringing in my ears, and woke up my parents - afraid of what I'd done. To my surprise, they were not mad at me, but concerned and sincere. While they might not have been the greatest parents, they DID care about me, and loved me. This was something I never really believed before then. However, it was enough to get me through that night. I can't say that life has been a bed of roses since then, but the good times have outweighed the bad by about 95 percent to 5 percent. However in the past 6 months, some of that 5 percent reared its ugly head, and last December I felt the same way I did in January of '77. I sat despondent in my house for a whole day staring at the fire in my fireplace and trying to find a reason why I shouldn't take my shotgun out and blow my head off. Two things kept me from doing that: 1) the thought of what it would do to my loved ones - including my 4 kids... some of whom are now teenagers, and 2) praying to God to help me out. While I went through 12 years of Catholic school, I've never been what I considered a "holy" person, but I do believe that God cares, and helps us when we need it. If any of you have never seen the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" - with Jimmy Stewart - made in 1946, I think - you need to rent it and watch it. Maybe, just maybe, you'll see something in it that will hit home with you and help you make the right choice. And I can confidently say that the right choice is to CHOOSE LIFE! Don't listen to the deepest, darkest feelings that are trying to command you now. I honestly believe those are influenced by the devil, who wants to have your soul for eternity in hell... and trust me, that's not where you or anyone else wants you or me to be. If you don't think anyone else cares, know this: I DO! I've never written anything like this to anyone else before, but I can't help but feel that all of you are going through the same (or similar) things that I went through 25 years ago... and in a different, though similar sense, 6 months ago, and I want you to know that someone DOES care about you, and that things WILL get better. It may seem silly and stupid, but if you just pray to God and ask for help - REGARDLESS of your religion, your prayers WILL be answered. Sorry for the lengthy diatribe, but I really DO care, and hope that I've helped. If so, PLEASE send me an e-mail or respond in this forum. Hang in there.
11 Jun 2003	Ambrosja	When you are under 13 (or over 13 for that matter) you should consider seeking help from an adult and/or a professional. The need to commit suicide is the result of chemical imbalances in the system and this can be corrected. Sometimes the situation corrects itself as hormones shift and level out... other times the desire to die will not disappear. I started wanting to commit suicide when i was 10 years old, right about the same time that i started my period. I remained suicidal throughout high school, but by my early 20's, the depression began to lessen. Sure, i have my days, but i don't focus on it so much as to actively seek ways to die. The best thing to do when you start to feel depressed is to take action on whatever it is that seems to be troubling you the most. Proactivity is a great remedy for many of life's problems. For those that want to kill themselves out of guilt, please remember that guilt is something that has been manufactured by christian based belief systems. The laws of life are not based on such belief systems. For those that feel suicidal due to disease, don't be ashamed to seek help. Doctors are not put here to judge, but to help. I can see myself in so many of you and i hope you can find a way to reach out for help. hang in there.
09 Jun 2003	shzam	Dear Nicki, You should try to avoid spending time at your apartment. No clubs at school? Start a new one, to help clean up the environment. Throw all your energy into this endeavor and let your mother know that you have seen light. She can't help but agree that you should work hard on such a noble cause and if these means that you will be spending much less time together, it is the unfortunate price you must pay...
09 Jun 2003	Nicki	Hey, this is Nicki. I posted a few days ago under the help column. I'm 15 and have never attempted suicide. But I think about it constantly. But I've come up with some steps to help whenever I'm thinking about it. 1. Take into account the sin you are comitting. 2. Make sure your whole family doesn't hate you. (I myself have my little sister to help.) 3. Come to this site, post your feelings... It's suprising how many people, who have never met you in your life... actually spend their time trying to help you. I have never been to any site like this before. But now, I want to help anyone who needs me. It gives you a purpose. Every life is fragile, no matter how low you think of yourself. There is someone in this pathetic world that loves you, even if you don't know them. Don't OD, and please don't cut yourself. It only causes more pain. To others. Strive for a better day and a better life. I'm not the most religous person in the world, and I'm not gonna try and force my religion on anyone else. But I've gotten saved, just a few weeks ago. It helps so much to pray, and your prayers are usually answered. I prayed for help, just to be talked down. And I was answered with so many caring people. Thank you everyone who talked to me last night and today. If anyone else out there needs help, I'm here... email me at Skiier2003@aol.com or instant message me at Skiier2003, or NanashiYoukai REMEMBER: You're not worthless
08 Jun 2003	just a girl	nicki.... hey.. im just a girl.. i make regular posts on here to escape the insanity of my own life.. everyone has their story to tell right.. i know it must hurt to see your mum like that.. really hurt.. but u must remember that its her life she is ruining and it shouldnt have to ruin yours too.. especially by making u take your own life.. you're only 15 dude (im 16) and you got so much more to live for if that is your only problem.. in years to come you can be free of your mum and all her shit and make a really good life for yourself.. dont think of ending it now, you would miss out on so many things that are waiting for you to experience.. its understandable for it to make you feel a little crazy and depressed.. but remember its not a reason to take your own life.. feel free to come here and share your thoughts.. im always here.. trying to escape my own madness :)
07 Jun 2003	just a girl	emily... dont do it... if this site has helped you, like myself, delay your plans, even if for a few days.. keep holding on.. keep trying.. keep coming here and sharing your thoughts.. for your thoughts, just delayed my plans... for yet another day...
05 Jun 2003	jen	Ender.. don't do anything rash.. you sound like an intelligent person... I think you can rationalize this out... I was about to indulge in the pill popping side of this.. and actually everyone on this post helped me.. I was in the middle of taking pills and reading your stories made me understand there are other people out there like me. this is the first time i have been on this site and shit .. i think we ALL need help.. and my computer just froze twice . so I have had time to think about what i am saying and to re-write this many times and so i had to re-think it every time I wrote it and i am still in agreeance with myself (ha) but seriously i think that we need to to use this website to talk to each other for support.. cause now that i see the extent of it suicide may not be the answer i always thought is was.. I thought life was shitty and then shittier and that's all that happened.. but then all of a sudden there was hope.. and for sure.. you guys were my hope tonight apparently!! .. or else somethign may have happened.. and if anyone ever needs to talk please e-mail me!! I know things may seem hopeless but things pass, feelings pass. emotions pass, moments pass.. and to quote my favorite quote.. "I know all things are dfferent, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for the lonely people once their loneliness has started-- Ernest Hemingway........
30 May 2003	faaye	if anyone on this site wants to talk to someone who will genuinely care about you and will listen to everything you have to say then you can email me.
22 May 2003	Felicia - Your advice person	2-May 2003 - Response to Liz. Thirteen is a young age to think of suicide. But no matter, young or old, you should not think about this. Being a teenager is horrible, nonetheless. You are going through changes, mingling with peers, having to live to everyone's standards by being popular. Visualize yourself in the next five years after you graduate from High School and realize at such a precious age you have so much to look forward to. As for me, which was twenty two years ago, I had to struggle to get by in Junior High dealing with pesky 8th graders. It was horrible having to school everyday without the support of parents or peers. I was completely on my own, until I got involved in a music program with the school marching band. Yes, so it may seem geeky to some folks, and I am not advising you to join a marching band on the account of me, but there are so many programs to get involved in your school and so much counseling sessions to go to. Am I asking you to seek the assistance of professional help? No. But there are cheaper alternatives to deal with better subjects that involve outdoor activities or more. Suicide is not the answer. It's only a false solution.
06 May 2003	tonkin	right got to tell u all one thing. pills are most painful way to do ur self yeah. they destroy ur liver and u are still alive you will slowly die a painful death because ur body cant break down the poisons. well u think they can knock me out wrong. to those to take affect they have to go through ur liver to b prosseced through the body and with a fucked liver well pain pain pain... jump of a buildin u have fun fallin ...just tryin to help cos im not sucidal me just b very carfeull. and if you jump blow yourself up and that. think about the people who have to clean the mess up look at www.rotten.com to see the results on wot you look like when u commit suicide and wot mess they have to clean up. think of others than just yourself. you want me to tell you wot happen when you commit suicide eg the pain involved and that like the pills and wot cleanin up and that mail me tonkin9797@yahoo.co.uk dont b daft cos when u die there will always b pain
03 May 2003	Anonymous	I'm not under 13 either but i have experience with suicide, i know this is not my place to say but suicide is not a good way to solve your depression. I've tried different ways to kill myself and they're all painful, there is no painless way in the world to ever die and remember that. please talk to someone about your problems if you can't seem to find a way out. and you really have to remember that your sadness will go away; you will never ever feel this bad again once you learn how horrible death will actually feel. death is painful, there is no higher pain.

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