Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
10 Jun 2004	ronny-ron	im not even under thirteen. (girl called "Beccy" email me if u want. i cant get urs 2 work sorry) anyway im seventeen. i feel this shit all around me, pressing in on me everyday. There's no relief, just the same thing everyday. There's no change, no love for me. All i have is my room and greyness surrounding me. This isn't natural. No one should feel like this. i pretend that i'm happy and no one knows i'm not. perhaps they dont care. i have been living at home since i was fifteen, doing home school. Surely they must realise somethign is worng. Why the hell do i hide in my room every day? i cant even talk to my friends anymore. To be honest i dont know why im writing this. i guess it's good to get it off ur chest. How did it start? When i was thirteen and began smoking pot. When ur young that shit fucks wiht ur mind. it is the worst drug in the world. it has damaged me, but in such a way that no one notices except me. Now i can even defend myself. if someone calls me a name i just look away. If someone tells me to fuck off i just go. I become really hurt to, but i cant say anything. If i meet someone face to face that i don't know like the back of my hand i become terrified. My mind freezes i'm that scared. I'm also failing at my school work. i dont care about it that much, ubt my family all think i am normal and smart, when i'm really brain dead and fucked-up. I want to be an author, but everyone around me tells me that's impossible. No one makes enough money to survive from what they right! Holy fuck, as i want to hear that! i just want to curl up into a ball and die. i feel tears welling up in my eyes becuase i realise how fucked i am and how it's never going to be better. I mean, we all know it! everyone here knows that this shit just presses around you worse every day. You say go on antidepressents? You have no idea how much shit my family would give me if i did that! They would tease me every moment fo the day. My mum would check the amount of pills every hour in case i took one extra. They woudl ask 'if i'd taken my happy pills yet?' fuck that. that would make my life ten times worse. all i want to do is write, but even that is forbidden to me.
07 Jun 2004	sucidalmonkey	" get over it" you have no fuckin clue so go screw your self!!!! I am 16 and i am an adopted kid of this old lady who says she cares but puts me to work like a slave. She even calls me that sometimes her "slave" so don't tell us shit ok? "get over it", were you too afraid to give your email address ?????????????????
27 May 2004	Kat	Well shit where do i start ???... I cannot remember a time where there was happiness in my life. Since I can remember I have some kind of abuse in my life. I remember when I was three (yes three) my father making my mother stay up with me while he made me sit on the potty because I wet the bed. My mother fell asleep and I remember him beating her... My mother never wanted a daughter, she only wanted sons. Well I have 4 brothers I am the only girl. She tryed to kill me as a child and was hospitalized two times. My mother ended up putting me and my two brothers in Foster homes where I lived for 7 years, till the age of 13. My father was the one who took us out of foster care system. It took him 5 years to find out where we were. Well you think it would get better for me but it turned into a living hell, being beaten , raped, told you are ugly stupid, being told no one will ever want you, I thought so many times through out the years about kiling myself, I tried a few times, taking pills, but always woke up (damn!). I left home for a little while and ended up getting pregnant , my father threatened the guy and i ended up moving back with him (my father) where i lived with my daughter until i was 21. The day he treatened to hurt her, I left my car and my things and moved to cali. Well, things over the years never seemed to get better , more abuse and put down more, I am told I am stupid, no good, fat , no one will ever love me or want me. My current b/f has abused me so much i feel worthless, broken noses to busting my ear open, to my head broke open, smashing everything in my home, I ask him to go but he stays, he does not work or help me, I am supporting 4 people on an 8 dollar an hour income, i am to the point were I can not take it anymore. I hate my life and everything. I look at my children and feel so heart broken that they live in poverty, without food or money, bills piled up, because this asshole will not go, the police came here and told him to leave but he waited two hours and came back , said " honey i'm home " never left. I live in my house like a prisoner, no family or friends, no one to help me, my children would be better without m , they can live with their father, (well my son's father) he has money, a nice house, he can take care of them. I am sorry for not being the person people want me to be, I am honest caring, never been in trouble with the law, i work 4 plus hours a week and take care of everything , but it seems it is not good enough , i am tired of trying , Thank you for letting me write here , peace out , Later I am in a living hell what more is there? Kat
26 May 2004	I_want_a_shoulder_to_cry_on	Everyday I look at myself and laugh. I look in the mirror and want to smash it up because the reflection tears up my insides. I look at my body line at the over hanging bits of skin here and there. I cry at those. I seem to be close enough to tears everynight now. From the days when I would come home and pose in the mirror now I look with hatred. Around a month ago I found out that my life was over. in my head this is. So now everyday without fail I cut some place on my body to remind myself and to let a little bit of the dead me out. When I bleed I smile as I am satisfied and happier with the outcome. My wrists have become my main target area over the past few days, I get a real thrill when I see a mark on them because I know I got that nearer giving up to be happy. I look for a shoulder to cry my painfree tears away but no one comes to my rescue. As I look around the people seem to get further and further away. When I die you will get back into view and I will remember you all - because I want to be the person I was yesterday. the person I was when I was happy. So cut your wrists if you want to die. that's were my happiness begins.
21 May 2004	Brittney	Well I'm only 14.. but let me tell you suicide isn't that easy. I mean I'm going through so much right now I just want to die!!! And your prolly thinking OmG ur not only hurting urself but ur loved ones... what if i have no loved ones.. or nobody to care.. exactly. I just I need a way to kill myself. I tried pills i took 40 then i went to sleep it doesn't work i just woke up and was really sick and had to go to the hospital... I ended up injuring my liver tho.
18 May 2004	cody	hey im really sorry about the letter i wrote on november 9th 2003 i said all of that shit about killing my self but now iv figured out that it wasnt everyone around me that was making me like that i didnt really think about it but now i know that it is just fuckin retarded to kill your self so please dont do it know matter who you are there is always someone who loves you and would hate to see you die so just think about it not just once or twice think of all the good things in your life try skateboarding thats what i did and it stopped me from trying to kill my self cause i actually was having fun and i had no time to think of all the bad memories cause i was making good memories
26 Apr 2004	suicidal terrorist	im older than 13, but am so familar with depression and worhtlessness that its all i can feel. ive been a junkie. i am an alcoholic. i have my own family, and thats the only thing that keeps me here. i couldnt imagine abandoning my son on this earth. it actually depresses me dearly that i was thoughtless enough to bring him into this evil world. im getting older, fatter, balder, meaner, and more despondent. i pray for the apocalypse. email me if you you want to help it transpire.
17 Apr 2004	kat	all my pain, ive blamed on life. but after years of the same shit maybe the problem doesnt lie within life and what is around me but rather within me. i am the problem. the only person to blame for all my pain is ultimately me. so do i kill myself beacuse i dont know how to handle life or do i live and hate myself every waking moment, trying not to escape to the pleasures of my razor? i am nothing. i dont matter. but there are people in my life who dont want me to die for their own selfish reasons, they dont want to take responsibilty and they dont want to feel pain. so the reason for my life is to spare everyone else from guilt? when i cried out for help no one came and even now nobody answers, eventually i will have to give up and then they will feel bad and nod their head and go poor girl she was so messed up. when the entire time they could have helped me, couldve given me a shoulder to lean on. the point is in the game of life i LOSE. i give up. you win.
16 Apr 2004	i need a hug	i dont think i want to commit suicide... i just dont like myself to be happy... theres no reason for me to be like this... im naturally smart have some good friends im not ugly... i did have a lot of close people die and i cry about them a lot but still i dont see why i should die... but the feelings always here... ive cut myself when the pain was really bad which i seem to do all this in the shower... like just a girl i guess something about being in the water just makes it easier and more secret it seems... broken razor blades work well theyre really sharp... also burning helps it seems... also i think im kinda schizophrenic... when im alone my mind tells me there are people around me trying to get me and kill me... its some of the worst fear ive ever felt in my life... almost like knowing you are going to die right in that instant and having no control over it at all... i dont think i will kill myself but i dont feel like lifes worth living... i dont understand why im here and like why am i me and not someone else... and why do i matter if as soon as i die ill be forgotten... if not as soon as then eventually... my parents dont know anything about me... just today has my mom started to notice something was wrong but then she just asked if someone was being mean to me at school... they just dont get it... i see plenty of reason to live and i think thats the only thing that changes my mind when i get so far gone... but watching the blood drip down my leg just makes me want to do it more... its like one cut isnt enough... like i shouldnt be feeling the way i do and i should be punished for it... i wish i had medication or something but i cant tell anyone... they wouldnt believe me... ask for a psychiatrist? i dont think that would work either... i think it would hurt my parents... like i was not right or something... and i try to make myself be happy but it just makes me feel worse... like itll work for a while but then ill need to make myself sad again... i have made myself throw up before but i didnt enjoy it that much... the only thing that makes me happy is being with someone who i love and loves me back or being with someone whos just cool haha... and i like getting away from everything but sitting on my own and thinking sucks cause then i just think about all thats gone wrong and i cant help it... i feel crazy... i just need someone to talk to who understands... and a hug...
13 Apr 2004	The Little Kiss	Lost dude, why don't you try anti depressants?? They have worked miracles for millions, including me. You say you want to know the meaning of life, and you want to die at the same time. That't doesn't make sense. you don't really want to die. Why don't you want to see a therapist? What do you have to lose? Your life?? You're thinking of killing yourself for God's Sake!!! Just go to a friggin therapist and try some anti depressants. It's really not that bad. I don't believe there is anything wrong with suicide. I plan on killing myself, but not until I can no longer take care of myself. There comes a point when life just becomes a chore that isn't fun anymore..... but like I said, it doesn't get like that until you're old and can't function without 24 hour care. That's when I think it's time for me to go.... or if I'm in some horrible accident and I get brain damage I've asked people to kill me. When I am really old, I plan on first taking drugs to completely numb my body, then crushing some LSD, and slipping in to a freezing cold bath, letting my life slowly fade away while I have incredible LSD visions. The easiest way to kill yourself is just jump off something high and land on your head. You don't even need to jump off something very high as long as you land on head. Hell, even jumping off your own 15 foot roof could do it. I STRONGLY disagree with the dude who said that overdoese is the best way. WRONG! Overdose is the WORST way because it fails the most often. And people almost always take the WRONG drugs. By wrong I mean either drugs that will not kill them, or drugs that cause extremely painful deaths. But, even though jumping and landing on your head is the easiest, most accessible, most painless, and instant way to die..... you should give life more of a chance. Try anti depresssants!!!! They really can completely change your entire world. Suddenly those suicidal thoughts you are plauged with just aren't there anymore and you won't believe the new world you live in.
12 Apr 2004	lost	I think about killing myself everyday, no joke. No, it's not the best thought in the world, but it races through my mind every day. I tried killing myself by taking a bottle of pills, but I only through them up. I tried suffocating myself, but i chickened out at the last minute. I ask why I am here. I want to know the point of life. I don't know what to do. Every time I am about to kill myself, I chicken out. I cut myself a lot and I don't want to go to any therapist. I just want to die. Please help me.
10 Apr 2004	Joyce	Ok, there is no good sure way to kill yourself. Had friends who took pills and ended up mental cause it was caught in time to leave them a veg. Then a gun, blew half his brain out, left a veg and worse off. Then rat poison, left them with stomach problems - someone always seems to find you in time it seems, the car turned on with the tailpipe steaming - no the neighbor is too nosey. It won't work if God has a plan for your life - if he plans to use you as a garbage can or something like he does me. There is no abuse or pain that I have not suffered from my fellow man. I am bankrupt, divorced, remarried, abused, laughed at, sick, handicapped, you name it. I don't think you are weak if you think about it, I think you are a good person no one cares about. I am very pretty and talented and have 5 kids, but my husband is abusive and everyone around me is selfish and uppity. They all mock me out and tell me how to run my life. It's lonely. I just sit most days, go to work where I don't get paid in the greenhouse cause it is a pipe dream of my husband that it'll pay off someday. I come home, work more, and it ends with sleep. I wait I work, I sleep, I pray God will just take me that is how you commit suicide for REAL - give up and let God use your life for whatever he decides, which my purpose is a toilet for other people to crap on.
04 Apr 2004	bt	I'm not 13. Actually, I'm just over 15, a male, and my life is pretty bad (at least I think so). I was diagnosed with anorexia about 6 months ago, and I've been recovering *extremely* well. I was the one who initiated help, and I really worked hard to get better. But, a few months ago, a was diagnosed with depression. I'm on my third type of anti-depressants, and on a pretty high dosage. Soon after that, I started cutting. The cutting was pretty bad, but I've been challenging myself to see if I can stop, and I've been luckily able to. My legs are pretty scarred up, but there's not much I can do. With me, I find it hard to go on because I don't see the point in living. I have great relationships with girlfriend, parents, family, friends, etc. But, even with that, I cannot see the point in living. I keep asking myself what the point of life is, and I don't believe in religion. I'm an unofficial anarchist, and I think that religion is stupid -- but that is *solely* my opinion. I'm also asking myself and seeking answers to questions about the universe, who humanity/galaxy was created, who I am in this world, etc. I've had suicidal thoughts the last few weeks. Not very bad, but a few times I have started planning. But, after I informed my psychologist that I had these thoughts, we made a promise that I have to call her if I am thinking of doing anything.... which I will live up to. But, anyway, other than that I just felt like adding my story. Thankfully, I have a *fucking* wicked psychologist, who is really helpful. This might be just because I was lucky, but if you are thinking about suicide, get a psychologist -- and one that you like. I know, sometimes it's not possible, but she is who has really saved me. Anyway, if there is anyone out there who just wants to relate to someone else about what they're going through, I'm here. I'm going through a tough time too, so talking to other people is always good. Thanks. fiftypercent@hotmail.com
28 Mar 2004	A Confused Girl	I am 14 now and I live in California... I never really thought my home life was that bad so I never realy considered killing myself, but ever since 8th grade started I have been getting into a lot trouble... drugs... grades... alcohol... and friends.. I was grounded almost every other day and it sucked. I am one of those people that always thinks ahead and one day it just came to me, while i was crying over my boyfriend dumping me that i had so much more shit coming in my life that I wasn't ready for. I have only been suffering from depression for around a year but it's getting worse, i've already cut my self, but just once to see what would happen. I often get nightmares about death and suicide and it freaks me out... i never know what the dreams mean. Lately I have been thinking more and more about suicide... the more I thought about it I realised that I never could think of anything I wanted to live for... actually I considered doing it tonight and that is why I am telling all you strangers... I guess you could call this a good bye... Thank you for listening to me... you are the first to do that.... i hope your lives go better than mine... these are my last words... good bye!!!!
21 Mar 2004	Christine	In the first place i would like to ask... Why do you want to do such a thing? I am a mother of a 7 yrs old boy who lost his father to suicide when he was only 18 months old. I to this day am in a new relationship but still suffer from this awful thing called suicide. My son to this day asks questions about his father and cries every night to have his father near him. You don't just hurt yourself doing this you also hurt many people who love you after you end your life. I till this day miss my son's father and have many unanswered questions that can never be answered. I am also depressed and is on antidepressants but that would never make me end my life. I have thought about it when i was younger but now i relieve how much it hurts the people you leave behind. So please don't ever commit suicide before you even think about it go get help please.. Do it for the ones who are left behind when you would be gone....
15 Mar 2004	Hmmm...	Alright.. you all have wrote a little bit about your life... here's some of mine..(im over 13. im 17) To cut a long story short.. I wont go into reasons why Im suicidal i dont see why i should tell you, Its my stuff, no one needs to know. I was in a 'hospital' because I had been suicidal for a while. I didnt have anything to live for, im guessing you all know the feelings that are inside and how much some one hurts when they're suicidal?. I learnt never to trust anyone, the only person I could truely talk to, was myself, I met Shane, In the hospital he was there for the same reasons, we clicked, it took us 4 months to actually talk to each other and realise that we could trust each other, he was the only reason i was alive, I was the only reason he was alive, but we both had bi-polar (manic depression) and paranoid shizophrenia, it was hard seems we both had it, it got really crazy sometimes, it was kinda hard dealing with self harm too, but we made it as long as we were 2gther, but as all suicidal people no, u cant get rid of the feelings, he got too depressed one night, he wasnt thinking straight... he OD on Acetaminophen..... (paracetamol) LD-50 (mg/kg) 338 oral, 500 i.p./Generally Takes Bout 2 Weeks 2 Die, Usually In Great Pain From Kidney And Liver Failure... he was in a coma for 3 weeks. When he came around because of the time the pills had been inside him before he had his stomach pumped, his memory was really bad, he couldnt remember anything since octbober, he couldnt remember me, He thought he hated me, every time I would see him he would freak out at me and hit me, He was given 4 weeks to live, because of his liver.. i had to stand around and watch him slowly die and not even talk to him, all im trying to say by postin this if, if ur really want to die, do anything but OD, then if it doesnt work.. other people dont have to suffer too, fine u wonna die, i totaly understand that, just dont take anyone else down with you..
15 Mar 2004	fiona	hi im 14 and have tried to commit suicide 8 times but evey time some bastard has to keep me alive! ive tried 1. slitting my throat (bled alot thought i was dead but i woke up in hospital craddled in my moms arms) 2. swallowed 100 paracitamol (puked alot my mate called 999 and i had my stomach pumped) 3. tried hanging myself on the hook of my door (mate came in with my mom and cut the rope i was revived by my mom) 4. cut all my veins in my arms (my cousin walked in to tell me dinner was ready and called my mom i pumped full of blood in hospital) 5. it was my other suicidal mates idea to eat frozen meat get food poisoning bad and die( just made me puke and shit alot) 6. jumped from the 4th floor of flats (broke my collar bone and was in a coma for 3 weeks) 7. i tried drowning (my mom walked in when i was unconscious she revived me and give me a 4 hour lecture on how much it hurts her to see me do this) 8. and finally i got my mate to tie a air tight bag over my head (but when i fell unconscious she thought i was dead and took the bag off and told my mom what happened so my mom tried to revive me and guess what bad luck for me, it worked) my mom keeps a constant eye on me now as she knows how i am. i have been put on tablets to help me as they think i have a mental problem but i will try again could you give me away to do it? im getting fed up of waking up. email me at wildkitty2002uk@hotmail.com
15 Mar 2004	sarah f	I am not 13 - i am turning 21 this year but i have been severely depressed for the last 5 years. i had done the overdosing of pills and ya - it is completely useless - you still wake up. i would also be called a cutter because that in my opinion is the best solution to pain - it is immediate. i live a good life, with good girlfriends, great parents and the best pets in the entire world. When i started cutting, i have just lost my best friend and boyfriend and i didnt know what to do other than cry and in anger i took a knife out and cut over 200 times into my arms. My parents found out so when i continued i kept it secret - the cuts got very deep and i still look at the scars and i feel nothing. The suicide attempts and episodes of cutting i am sure will continue until the day i die. I constantly hope i am killed in a car accident or murdered or whatever. For the people (like me) who want to die more than anything in the world i'll tell you what keeps me here: i can't abandon my cat and dogs - they need me; i couldn't be responsible for the pain my parents would feel for the rest of their lives and that's it. I am scared because i think and my best friend who just ditched me is sure that i will succeed when i really decide to do it. If you are at all unsure, wait it out - you can kill yourself when you are 30 if that is when you actually become sure - there is no rush. I had to tell someone this so thank you!
10 Mar 2004	Zack	Hello, I'm not sure exactly why I'm writing here... It really doesn't seem like my sort of thing to get sympathy from random internet people. But since I found this site I might as well tell my story. About a year and a half ago I tried to kill myself. I took a full bottle of bayer asprin and half a bottle of rum (knowing alcohol and asprin don't mix). I had consumed a large amount of asprin and a fair amount of alcohol within about 10 minutes. Not long after I had started to question what I had just done, but then figured it was all for the best and would be worth it in the long run. I decided to go to sleep and expected not to wake the next day. I woke up at 12:00AM as scared as I had ever been. Not only because I felt weird, but because I wasn't dead. I lied in bed for about an hour wondering what was going on inside my body, when I decided to get up and get a glass of water so I could maybe fight off what I had just done. Soon after I was vomiting heavily. I made sure not to leave a mess so no one would find out, and then I went back to bed. I surprised myself a 2nd time when I had woken up once again. There was an intense ringing in my ears that I wasn't sure would go away, and it felt like someone had beat me up then drugged me. Supposedly I have made a full recovery (from the attempt at least) but I'm not sure, because I never ended up going to the hospital or ER, so I may very well have permanent damage, but it's not seeming likely. I still have to tell anyone about this besides my close friend that I just recently started talking to again. The reason I ended up here is because my "depression" seems to have come back. I thought I had got over this about half a year ago; I would constantly make sure not to let myself feel bad. But yesterday morning I woke up and it's back. And this time I can't get over it as quickly and simply as I normally do. The truth is, I found this site by searching for the simplest method to commit suicide since I hated my previous/non-working method. While typing this I've been continuing my search and have found a couple sites. But since I found this one I figured I might as well give this a shot too. I don't really know what to expect in replies, and I also don't think this will effect me but.. Well that's my story...
09 Mar 2004	Krista	I've visited this site every few months to read about everyone else and I felt it was my time to contribute. In high school, I was "perfect." I was one of the best students, I played alot of sports, I chaired organizations, had lots of friends and was actively involved in community service. I got into one of the best colleges in the country and that's where I am now. And I'm fucking miserable. I've always felt depressed since I was a child but could never talk about it to people but for some reason I think telling it to strangers will help. My heart goes out to everyone who lives such rough lives, I'm sorry that you all had to go through such terrible things. And on the outside, everyone always thought that I had a great life but no one really knew what was going on on the inside. And now at college I'm finally breaking down. I haven't done any work all year. I haven't gone out. The doors open, I'm smiling; the door's closed, I'm crying. I don't know why I've never been happy. I've had shit happen to me like everyone else. But I don't think that's why. And I've never been able to talk to anyone about it. I've never told anyone the things of my past, maybe because I'm ashamed. I've never told anyone I've contemplated suicide and now I want to. Life sucks.

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