Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
25 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Did someone say Blue Moon? Must be a rich mans version of Blue Nun I guess.
I should start being like Wacko Michael Jacko and make ridiculous claims like "I had 2 nosejobs! Just the two!" Or in my case boob-reducto jobs.

We cum in peace... they cum in teacups (the posh).
Which explains Queen Elizabeth's ridicoulous perm.
08 Jan 2003 Michael Mackellar Se Jeter~ i just discovered an unutterably remarkable book; one which may be of some assistance should you find yourself feeling... sinister. `Blank Slate`, by Steven Pinker. This heart-rendered work deals with human nature, from the angle of introducing considerations for conflict resolution and peacemaking that go way deeper than conventional analyses. Also, i should add, the book is rather large... so it may take a touch more effort to grasp. I'm currently sitting in my local hometown library, and 'Blank Slate' is resting safely in its secret cubbyhole. It is necessary for me to hide it away each day because my library card has been suspended, due to enormous late fees, and as a result i find myself effectively restricted from checking anything out. As long as 'Blank Slate' remains tucked away when i am elsewhere, i won't have to lose sleep over worring about some Willy Wanker-Sociology Major getting hold of it, and making me wait entirely too focking long for the return. I suspect this may, perhaps certainly, almost appear to seem a bit selfish... Yet i figure i have more than made up for it with my new years resolution. Yes, you guessed it, my wanking days drew to a close with the new year! You can't get much more selfless than that. Honestly though, i had the same thing planned last year... but the most ridiculously dream-like woman to ever step foot into a surrealist club happened to catch my interest right on new year's eve. We even spoke for a while, and i learned that she was aspiring to become a successful mesmerist. She proved the truth in her aspiration by singing the most beautiful song from 'Les Miserables', in my opinion. On My Own. Even still, it did not take me long to close up... And i soon convinced her that all we had to share, was distance. We returned, arms outstretched, to our separate ways. The club eventually closed, and i sped home in my wagon, cursing myself the whole live-long way for being so possessed by a shyness that is criminally vulgar. As a matter of course, i became frightfully distressed... so, when i arrived home and had crashed into bed, i proceeded to beat the hell out of myself... something like 8 or 9 times over. She was too beautiful. And i became so inhuman. Well, as one can well imagine, my set of unsuspecting sheets was in ruins. My selfless resolution was blown to bits not even 8 hours into the new year. This time around i am ready... i'm not caving in for anything!
Since lately i seem to have a remarkably enlarged amount of time on my hands for some reason that appears unfathomable, i've decided to copy the sleeve notes from 'Blank Slate', so in effect, you may be more readily able to decide whether or not such a book would interest you. I should add that 'A Beautiful Mind', 'I Stand Alone', and 'Shine' are 3 films worth renting. If you have yet to see them, please do so. ...The reason i've decided to include the notes from 'Blank Slate' is not entirely due to the mysteriously enlarged amount of time, i've also become quite happy since 'Common People' came on the radio a little while ago, and it happens to be one of my favorite songs.
I imagine Lucy Cortina as being quite fond of PULP, and i find myself wondering what other music exists as dearly to her... as dearly as she claims to have become to Herself. She claimed to feel so amazingly content... inside. LEGENDARY PINK DOTS, no question. ~the limits of my language define the limits of my world~ Ludwig Wittgenstein ~ ...but surpassing all stupendous inventions, what sublimity of mind was hers who dreamed of finding means to communicate her deepest thoughts to any other person, though distant by mighty intervals of space and time! of talking with those who are in Heaven; of speaking to those who are not yet born- and shall not be born for a thousand or a hundred thousand years. and with what felicity by the varied arrangements of constructs of our minds!! ~Soren
Sleeve Notes....... "Our conceptions of human nature affect every aspect of our lives, from the way we raise our children to the political movements we choose to embrace. Yet just as science is bring us into a golden age of understanding human nature, many people are hostile to the idea. They fear that discoveries about innate patterns of thinking and feeling may be used to justify inequality, to subvert social change, to dissolve personal responsibility, and to strip life of meaning and purpose. In 'Blank Slate', Steven Pinker explores the idea of human nature and its moral, emotional, and political colorings. He shows how many intellectuals have denied the existence of human nature by embracing 3 linked dogmas: the blank slate (the mind has no innate traits), the noble savage (people are born good and corroded by society), and the ghost in the machine (each of us has a soul to make choices free from the restrictions of biology). Each dogma carries a moral burden, so their defenders have engaged in desperate tactics to discredit scientists who are now challenging them. Pinker injects calm and rationality into these 3 debates by showing that equality, progress, responsibility, and purpose have nothing to fear from the discoveries about a rich human nature. He disarms even the most menacing threats with clear thinking, common sense, and pertinent facts from science and history. Despite its popularity among intellectuals during much of the twentieth century, he argues, the doctrine of Blank Slate may have done more harm than good. It denies our common humanity and our individual preferences, replaces hard-headed analyses of social problems with feel-good slogans, and distorts our understanding of government, violence, parenting, and the arts. Pinker shows that an acknowledgement of human nature that is grounded in science and common sense, far from being dangerous, can complement insights about the human condition made by millenia of artists and philosophers. All this is done with unutterably remarkable clarity..."
By the bye, i feel as though Eternity is the place that holds...................Time enough for Love. My Dream is to find each and every one of you there. And then....... [nicedream]
05 Jan 2003 Lucy Cortina Eternity... or heaven... would be a night inside me of course. What else?
04 Jan 2003 Lucy Cortina Hell, my dear Michael, is running out of mascara and eye-shadow, and forgetting to put your bra on before going to school. Trust me - I've been there.
03 Jan 2003 Lucy Cortina Ps - I thought Kylie Minogue wasn't very.. er... 'big' in America, Felicia?
I thought the Americans deemed her too sexy and so expelled her from your number? (much like myself, when my affair with Bush gets out, no doubt)

Mind you, America gave the world Britney Spears - Mrs Plastica Titties, of which I am the anti to.
What have we ever done that is so wrong to deserve such torture?
14 Dec 2002 Lucy Cortina What bullets do you have?
20 Oct 2002 Lucy Cortina Ahh I think I understand what you meant now. A.D.D as in Attention Defficiant Disorder (or something along that line)? My darling, if Lucy wanted attention then she would simply remove her bra.

Seriously though, I am not offended or anything :)
19 Oct 2002 Lucy Cortina HYDRO - I am none the wiser as to the meaning of A.D.D. I could think of plenty of rudie-dudie words with those words, but Lucy is a lady and would never do that.
Right, I want to share with you all a nice little list. It is actually a cover-version, if you get my meaning, although unlike Britney Spears I can actually sing it without miming, whilst dancing at the same time. Here:

The poopie list>>>

Ghost Poopie:
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie:
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie:
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it feels unwiped, so you have to out some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain

Second Wave Poopie:
It happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Poopie:
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you pratically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie:
The kind of poopie that's so HUGH, you're afraid to flush without breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Gassey Poopie:
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling.

Drinkers Poopie:
The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tree marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Gee, I Wish I Could Poopie:
It's the kind where you want to poopie, but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramp and fart a few times.

Corn Poopie:

Spinal Tap Poopie:
That's where it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it left you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie:
THE POWER DUMP- the kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie:
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashed all over the toilet.

Upper Class Poopie:
The kind of poopie that doesn't smell.

The Surprise Poopie:
You're not even at the toilet, because you are sure you're about to fart, but OOPS.....a poopie!

The Dangling Poopie:
This poopie refuse to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut loose.

The Whiplash Poopie:
The kind where you oush and strain until your eyes are bloodshot, the poopie just starts to come out when OOPS..... it goes back in.

Enjoy darlings!
04 Oct 2002 Lucy Cortina I hear this song on the radio every day..every's called "Love to see you cry" by Enrique Iglesias. Aghh it makes no bloody sense!! What a daft song! Perhaps his next song will be "Love to see you break your nose" or something. Well, no need mate when plastic surgery exists! I always said he was into the 'pain game'.
That reminds me of Britney Spears' black leather outfit at the VMA awards this year. What was that girl thinking?! So that's why Justin dumped her, is it... Not content with opening a restaurant she now has to open an S & M parlour! No wonder Justin couldn't cope.. I think it's what's called 'tough love'. Well, love does hurt.
As you can see I hate Britney Spears. I think it's to do with the fact that she's famous for nothing.. for being a total twit. Oh well... I'll have my day... you'll see...
13 Jul 2002 Lucy Billy, me too! I'm going on hols soon, not too far from Mouchette's very own land, although this place will not be serving me any frog legs or baguettes (poo!). However it has plenty of sausages to offer me - but, you know, Lucy Cortina always demands the biggest, juicyest and meatyest sausages.
See you all soon.
And Billy mate - ALWAYS wear a rain coat, if you get my drift.
12 Jul 2002 Lucy Cortina <<<gasps and splutters. I am still here, but my dad finally stopped singing. I need urgent medical attention (can I trick them into giving me a reduction too?).
The days of Lucy are no more - unless you can find me a doctor Clooney soon. Or a handsome prince to kiss me on the breasts - who will do it?
27 Jun 2002 mouchette Yeah, it's a lot easier to call oneself Lucy Cortina than to look like her...
I think Lucy is a transsexual, that's why she's undergoing so much plastic surgery. Why didn't you tell me Lucy? I could have donated my breasts, I'm not using them..
22 Jun 2002 Lucy Cortina You knew where my writings come from? I smell bullshit again... so far I haven't heard anyone give an exact place where they come from, as you say.
Look at the music industry. These days they take an old classic song, change the lyrics for the better, add a new 'twist' and generally end up with a better song. That is simply what I have done. And as you will not have heard of it at all in the U.S, it has been nice to teach you it.
Now, lets all stop this nonsense and get on with forms of suicide.
You have made some funny contributions, Billy, and all of this fighting talk rather spoils it all. Lets stop it, eh?

Ps- Well done England in the World Cup!
10 Jun 2002 billy the freak hey i got a piece hate mail the today from someone who shall be nameless. mouchette, i bet that's a person who gets hate mail. my point is this web could or could not be the place to say your final words. as you can see, many people have found a creative outlet (excluding lucy cortina) to share their thoughts of death, perceptions of death, which in fact is a touchy subject to even talk about, let alone get something off their chest. not one time have i seen anyone say "goodbye cruel world" and type the last date of their lives. in fact you see many names return to the site to say something witty or give an update of what's going on with them. i personally feel that mouchette's web site gives children, adults and pretty much any age a place to say hey i'm having troubles right now. furthermore mouchette is a fully interactive web site so check the rest of it out, it is great! ***on a personal note*** every day when i get up from my bed i look at my wrists. i look at the scars of my past. what used to be gaping wounds of emotional agony, hate, and resentment, what is now nothing but healed over guilt. a mound of tissue reminding me i am selfish and sick. i am not saying i don't get depressed i am saying there is much better things, and many good narcotics.
07 Jun 2002 Lucy Cortina I was watching TV today..that awful Britney Spears song came on. She was sat on the edge of a cliff, looking as if she was about to commit suicide. I was thinking "don't do it! if you go, we'll never have anything to measure good music against crap music if you do!"
I expect the rest of the world were all thinking "just do it!". But I'm a sensitive soul, in between my selfish surgery urges. I don't like to stand on snails if I can help it.
Anyway, it was the Britney song where she says she's not a girl - but she's not a woman. Eh? So she's a man then?
At first the camera hovered around her tits amd face, which I avoided looking directly at, for fear that the evil subliminal messages there would brainwash me. Then it showed a fire... god I hate her.
06 Jun 2002 Lucy Cortina The life according to Alex?
Aka Big Brother? I don't think so...
Yes I did get some of my 'stories' from a book.. but improvised on them and indeed changed them for the better. Plus I made up most of them on my own. Some inspiration did come from a book. But not the life of Alex or summat (?)
Anyways, shouldn't you be dead by now?
02 Jun 2002 LucyH8r Ok ppl let me tell u summat about Lucy Cortina aka pain up da ass. U c here in the uk we hav a book called The World According 2 Alex, don't we Lucy? U c kids, Lucy here obviously has no life, as all she does is sit at home in front of the computer copying passages out of this book. Trust me ive read it. Lucy, u really r not original, isnt ure own life exciting enuff? Come on girl get ure head outta ure own ass and leave us suicidal ppl 2 die in peace, ok?
02 Jun 2002   Ok, hey kids i'd just like 2 tell u sumthin about lucy cortina aka annoying slag. Well, u c, im from england and here we hav a book called The World According 2 Alex. I hav read this book and i hav come 2 the conclusion everythin lucy types is copied from afore mentioned book. LUCY U R SAD. It aint big and it aint clever, and it certainly aint original. Wat, r u really so sad this is all u do all day?

IT'S LAME!!!!!
19 May 2002 Dominatrix god, i love lucy cortina. honey, if you don't know what lesbians do together, i'd be more than happy to show you.
10 May 2002 Mouchette to Lucy Cortina J'habite en France oui oui
..ahem... it depends if you consider the server or the keyboard. I'm on the Internet, and that's everywhere hehehe

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