Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
26 May 2009	no thanks	syringe and needle.. fill it with bleach, pills, alcohol, glass, and soap. inject yourself. eat a shit load of aspirin. save up and o.d. on meth or coke. invest 6 months of time into liking guns, this will not only give time to think about it, but keep yourself distracted and perhaps get a hobby.
26 May 2009	M.M. a.k.a. billy the freak	amsterdam heaves like the breath in her lungs. people bustle through the streets as the blood surges through her veins. i can feel this all around me.... however, i sit alone in the a bar. I want to be alone, only me and the bartender. hey, did you know i have the power to be anybody? i can go anywhere and do anything, any-fucking-way i want to do it. However, tonight I sit alone. i sit in a basement level dive too dark to see the clock on the wall, yet bright enough to see the bar in front of me. the pink neon light in the window screamed in its best cursive 'MOUCHETTE' a warm and ambient glow enveloping you like a womb welcoming all to her embrace. however, tonight i sit alone. The bartender is mouchette and i am only a guest in her place. like me she has the power to be anything, but only in the minds of other people. if you were to ask her who she was("mouchette, really who are you?")she would say she killed herself at the brink of thirteen and in death had second thoughts. now she plays a game and through this game she lives on. tonight mouchette is a thirty something italian woman with the type of beauty that says you would like to fuck her, but wouldn't really perform at your best only because you are intimidated by her razor sharp wit and her worldly charm.. She has so many friends and you never feel good enough in her company. the intimate encounters are few and far between and you both want more. when you are away she is always in the back of your mind. i know all this and tonight she is only the bartender, why she is in this spittoon of a saloon could only be guessed, but i do know she is here... aways here for me. "mouchette! baby doll, please pour me another." i belted. "billy darling no need to shout; i am right here and there is no one else in the bar." she said in a reprimanding tone."another vodka and tonic i would bet." "right you are. you know me well." "i know you because you know you, you know me and right now... this is all we know." "positively insightful mouchette, I say you inspire me. you are my muse." this i announced with a certain amount of glee. "billy" she said while fixing my drink. "I am afraid the booze is your muse.." She sat the drink down in front of me. I was outraged. "mouchette, you... how could you say this? do you want to hurt me? do you want me to feel bad?" "again billy, this is all we know. I think you must ask yourself that question." {what is her angle? what is she getting at? i want her to go with the flow.} i took the drink in one gulp then slammed the heavy short glass motioning for another drink, nectar of the gods. " vodka and tonic yes?" "ha!! i would like a whiskey and coke, if you put pepsi in there i will fucking smack you." i said triumphantly "you are slipping mouchette... maybe you are not my muse" "the joke is on you billy." she said in a tired voice and made the drink in the same dirty glass. {the joke was on me. i hate whiskey. what is this? do i have control? yes, i have all the control. when i am here i am king and she is the servant. So why do i feel so helpless.} the neon light from out side the bar shined through my half empty short glass, casting glimmers of light onto the slick bar top. the lights danced across the fine finished wood as i turned the glass between my thumb and index finger. suddenly i felt alone. no longer alone by choice, but alone... just helplessly alone. "well billy, I'm here" falicia said out of nowhere. "how did you get here." I asked. "you let me in silly, what kind of question is that." now i am simply sick of this shit. "are you going to fuck with me too falicia!" i shot the whiskey and the fumes and words came out my mouth like fire. "i don't know how you got here. i don't know why you keep coming back. i didn't open that fucking door." "i found the door and walked through it just like you did billy, ask yourself these questions and you will find the answers you are looking for." falicia ordered a mineral water and drank while i thought about what she said. i first came here when i was sixteen it was 1998 ten years passed and now i am twenty six. i didn't give anything, i only took for one decade. she was always here when i needed her and at times she made me feel special, at times she made me feel worthless. I would run away but only in presence. in the stealth of the night i would visit. the price i pay is her always haunting me, for not a day goes by... not a day goes by. did i want a suicide kit for christmas? no, i just wanted to show other children how to play with the toy. i am no longer a child, but i still play with this toy. "falicia i come here because as long as people come here i cannot die.... i will live forever. this is the gift she gave me and i tell you, i don't know if i deserve it." just when i thought i was opening up falicia started to laugh a hysterical laugh. then lucy and phil join in. chris and will snow chime and it now a chorus of laughter. joe lee, mackellar, elaine, agent orange, just a girl, and many others have the bar quaking with laughter. in spite of myself i start to chuckle as well, but i had to ask. "falicia why are we laughing." "you wanting to live forever is all fine and good," she said as she points across the bar with her finger resting towards the bartender. "but what happens when she dies." that very moment i had ad a revelation and with that change a change happened in mouchette. her cigarette burn eyes stared at me as she poured me another vodka and tonic, her smile was just crack on her plastic face
24 May 2009	Garry	Nicole, don't know you love, I care. Can't tell you what to do, but please, think.
23 May 2009	agustina	i want to write in the conversations
23 May 2009	Garry	I have recieved my reply from Mouchette, my intention I suppose is to show people that I am still alive. Although I drink more than a fish at the present, I have had a knife to wrists, but only made superficial wounds, I have hung myself by my own belt from the back of a door, but fought like hell to stay alive. Although my wanton desire to die may exist, I am still here. What does that say to people? I pray to die in my sleep most nights and it does'nt happen, maybe I have to stay for a reason. what I don'nt understand, is how a person can make a decision about you being the right person, you change that person's life, give them everything only for them to change their minds later on, what has happened to the world and....Love? Stay with me and post your thoughts here, all are listening!!
22 May 2009	The Sadness Tree	"Sleep, those little slices of death, how I loathe them." - Edgar Allan Poe The Sadness Tree http://www.thesadnesstree.com/
22 May 2009	God Why?	Is this real!? Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!
19 May 2009	ssf	this site is still around and i havent been here since mid2006ish. wow! im shocked it hasnt ben shutdown yet.
19 May 2009	munster.	The end of the world is 2012. That's like 2 and a half years from now. Might as well hang on and see how it all ends, eh?
14 May 2009	set free	i want out of this misery. i want to kill myself. if i have disapperaed off the earth in a week please dont cry for me and know im free. my soul hurts and im through with this shit. a knife is good for cutting and so is a blade but a gun can end this pain of unlovingness, and hurting without no more than a quick pull. its no longer important to try and impress nobody. id rather be dead and have my soul set free!
13 May 2009	time warp	I'm 13 years old. I stay up every-night till three in the morning reading things people have written on the internet. I read this comic last week and when it ended I couldn't stop crying, it was so brilliant. The main character killed herself and her boyfriend couldn't save her, as she fell off the building everything in there relationship ran through her brain, the panel. The boyfriend then jumped off after her. "All for nothing, this is love" it said. I wonder if being so arrogant and bored at this age will lead to me having an unrealistic concept of love and reality when I grow up. I used to come home everyday and cry, I don't know why anymore. I'll probably still know the same fuckers I know now, when I get to high school. I'm sorry you're feeling down, I just needed to get away from saying things I would normally say. Im a masochist I guess, but at-least I'm not being satirical and making spelling errors to cover up my emptiness.
13 May 2009	entry three	So, I decided today when I walked out into my dirty forest like backyard to smoke a cigarette, that it would be to mind boggling to put on a pair of shoes. I instead walked out in my socks. After which, they were covered in filth, so I took them off when I came back inside. I walked over to the dirty clothes hamper( a broken bage basket ) and then immediately turned around and got ready to throw them in the trash. Suddenly though I stopped my self, I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't abide to a simple predetermined function. What's weird is I was doing basically the same thing, except the end result was different. Anyways I managed to stop myself and put them in the hamper. Things like this keep happening to me lately. I'll finish a sticky drink and go to wash it out and somehow end up in the bathroom rather then the kitchen. I'm loosing my basic brain functions. -I don't know if I care, I don't know if I care about anythings. I can't think enough to remember names, yet the other day I sat and wrote something I was proud of, a story. Then I edited it with pure concentration, something I rarely have . It's one thing to have logic to justify something you believe in, but it's another to find apathy in perfection. I'm understanding the greater scale of all my actions. I'm perfectly diagraming and understanding my mistakes, my reasoning, my problem, and what I need to do to correct myself. Still, all I do is think about them, I don't take action, nor want to. It's not that I don't care, because I know I care. I'm just not sure what I care about and weather I can achieve anything within the confines of this life. I want to have flawless arguments that can be conveyed by facial gestures. I don't want to conform myself to any social structure yet I want the security It brings. All day I sit and I think about things, not stupid poetic notions either. I sit and I think about realism my life and what I need to do to appear successful. Im lost in thoughts about what I should be doing as I do it. Im in love with typical intellectual rebellion, I'm in love with her. I don't know what love is, I don't truly know who she is anymore. All is fair in love and war but my world is too mundane for anything that exciting. Life or death, it's better then this/it's the worst thing ever. Welcome to confusion, welcome to isolation.
13 May 2009		how you gonna be a getto thug and live in great britian? queen elezabeth took away all thier straps so now all they got is billy clubs? here is an impersonation of a british gangster: why you talkin rubbish? gon bash your face with me billy club. isnt that silly.
13 May 2009	douchecake	hey kids life suck and you need fun? try glueing small frequently used objects to large objects that dont move. example: tv remote. coffe cup of a teacher or co-worker. just use you imagination. just inconbvienience them. it will make you laugh. did i mention i am going to hell?
13 May 2009	Kuborion	Y'know, this Enzyme person does make sense. Read that post of his carefully. Or hers, of course.
13 May 2009	rndy	drink the potassium but i dunno how to get those things
12 May 2009	Sam	Hang your self. When your 13 it's not easy to get ur hands on things that will do the job painlessly. I have gone through tough times with drugs like marijauna cigarette and alcohol addiction and I am only 13. I am also doing bad in school which is putting stress on me and my family. These depressing events cause me suicidal thoughts and attemtps.
12 May 2009	Bobbin	Enzyme - did u ever play grim fandango? its just u mentioned petrified forest and being the grim fandango nerd i am, i just thought that... well nevermind. i just got excited and decided to post something completely irelevant on a suicide website. Oh dear.
11 May 2009	wat mater	Dig a deep hole put all the dirt on a cover tye four holes to the corners then host it up note: make shur 2 have nough rope to reach bottom or wont work then find gun lift cover filled whith diert to top of tree or w/e then lay at bottem holding rope then shot self ur hand i'll let go and diert will fall in the hole berring u ta-da
11 May 2009		meet a amazing guy then find out he replaced you. it will kill u!

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