Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form. |
Date |
Name/email Nom/email |
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans? |
26 May 2009 | M.M. a.k.a. billy the freak | amsterdam heaves like the breath in her lungs. people bustle through the streets as the blood surges through her veins. i can feel this all around me.... however, i sit alone in the a bar. I want to be alone, only me and the bartender. hey, did you know i have the power to be anybody? i can go anywhere and do anything, any-fucking-way i want to do it. However, tonight I sit alone. i sit in a basement level dive too dark to see the clock on the wall, yet bright enough to see the bar in front of me. the pink neon light in the window screamed in its best cursive 'MOUCHETTE' a warm and ambient glow enveloping you like a womb welcoming all to her embrace. however, tonight i sit alone. The bartender is mouchette and i am only a guest in her place. like me she has the power to be anything, but only in the minds of other people. if you were to ask her who she was("mouchette, really who are you?")she would say she killed herself at the brink of thirteen and in death had second thoughts. now she plays a game and through this game she lives on. tonight mouchette is a thirty something italian woman with the type of beauty that says you would like to fuck her, but wouldn't really perform at your best only because you are intimidated by her razor sharp wit and her worldly charm.. She has so many friends and you never feel good enough in her company. the intimate encounters are few and far between and you both want more. when you are away she is always in the back of your mind. i know all this and tonight she is only the bartender, why she is in this spittoon of a saloon could only be guessed, but i do know she is here... aways here for me. "mouchette! baby doll, please pour me another." i belted. "billy darling no need to shout; i am right here and there is no one else in the bar." she said in a reprimanding tone."another vodka and tonic i would bet." "right you are. you know me well." "i know you because you know you, you know me and right now... this is all we know." "positively insightful mouchette, I say you inspire me. you are my muse." this i announced with a certain amount of glee. "billy" she said while fixing my drink. "I am afraid the booze is your muse.." She sat the drink down in front of me. I was outraged. "mouchette, you... how could you say this? do you want to hurt me? do you want me to feel bad?" "again billy, this is all we know. I think you must ask yourself that question." {what is her angle? what is she getting at? i want her to go with the flow.} i took the drink in one gulp then slammed the heavy short glass motioning for another drink, nectar of the gods. " vodka and tonic yes?" "ha!! i would like a whiskey and coke, if you put pepsi in there i will fucking smack you." i said triumphantly "you are slipping mouchette... maybe you are not my muse" "the joke is on you billy." she said in a tired voice and made the drink in the same dirty glass. {the joke was on me. i hate whiskey. what is this? do i have control? yes, i have all the control. when i am here i am king and she is the servant. So why do i feel so helpless.} the neon light from out side the bar shined through my half empty short glass, casting glimmers of light onto the slick bar top. the lights danced across the fine finished wood as i turned the glass between my thumb and index finger. suddenly i felt alone. no longer alone by choice, but alone... just helplessly alone. "well billy, I'm here" falicia said out of nowhere. "how did you get here." I asked. "you let me in silly, what kind of question is that." now i am simply sick of this shit. "are you going to fuck with me too falicia!" i shot the whiskey and the fumes and words came out my mouth like fire. "i don't know how you got here. i don't know why you keep coming back. i didn't open that fucking door." "i found the door and walked through it just like you did billy, ask yourself these questions and you will find the answers you are looking for." falicia ordered a mineral water and drank while i thought about what she said. i first came here when i was sixteen it was 1998 ten years passed and now i am twenty six. i didn't give anything, i only took for one decade. she was always here when i needed her and at times she made me feel special, at times she made me feel worthless. I would run away but only in presence. in the stealth of the night i would visit. the price i pay is her always haunting me, for not a day goes by... not a day goes by. did i want a suicide kit for christmas? no, i just wanted to show other children how to play with the toy. i am no longer a child, but i still play with this toy. "falicia i come here because as long as people come here i cannot die.... i will live forever. this is the gift she gave me and i tell you, i don't know if i deserve it." just when i thought i was opening up falicia started to laugh a hysterical laugh. then lucy and phil join in. chris and will snow chime and it now a chorus of laughter. joe lee, mackellar, elaine, agent orange, just a girl, and many others have the bar quaking with laughter. in spite of myself i start to chuckle as well, but i had to ask. "falicia why are we laughing." "you wanting to live forever is all fine and good," she said as she points across the bar with her finger resting towards the bartender. "but what happens when she dies." that very moment i had ad a revelation and with that change a change happened in mouchette. her cigarette burn eyes stared at me as she poured me another vodka and tonic, her smile was just crack on her plastic face |
06 Dec 2004 | joe lee | i am chineese. please excuse mine english. please consider coming to china and be my sexual slave before you kill yourself. email me. and felicia year of the monkey. you know in china we say in year of monkey woman must wrap feet. chineese custom. |
11 Jan 2004 | Joe Lee | Hi, I am Chinese here to recommand a film for you kids to watch "Big Shot's Funeral" with Donald Sutherland, Xiaogang Feng, You Ge, and Rosamund Kwan. So you kids can learn how Chinese people taking death very seriously. find it, watch it, share with your friends. |
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