The best answers in 1999 (part 1)
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What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
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Gena Zeleniy Come to school in a black trenchcoat! I don't understand how you can kill yourself by coming to school in a black trenchcoat. Can you explain me? Or maybe is it only in Russia that this can happen!
Gena Zeleniy Even though my mail server is in Russia, I'm not. The answer to you question is very simple. I live in Denver Colorado, and if by any strange accurance you keep up with current events, you would be aware of the murder in a school which was executed ba so-called trenchcoat maffia. Ever since then even good and law obiding students were threatened and abused for wearing black trenchcoats. It was a bit of inside humor. Funny how the current events are reflected in the suicide page
Daniel Vena paint your entire body with silver glitter grease paint and die by blocking all of your pores. A star like me should have a glittering death
Daniel Vena And here's one from my friend: Fly to the states, carve the name "BILL" into your stomach and lay down on the steps of the whitehouse naked. Then overdose on ruphenol and viagra. American way of dying?
tractor D�coupe tout ordinateur en milliers de petits morceaux. Puis avalent les un par un avec une cuill�re d'huile d'olive (pour ne pas briser l'oesophage) puis une fois toute les pi�ces mang�es. Prend le fil d'alimentation elctrique, s�pare les deux fils de polarit�s. Mets en un dans la bouche et l'autre dans l'anus puis connecte le fil. Si rien ne se passe sers toi de Norton utilities pour r�parer le syst�me d'op�ration. Et si je ne mange pas l'ordinateur, c'est lui qui me mangera ...
Dwayne Bozeman Extend left nostril around plexi-glass death mask of Tina Louise. Insert index finger in right ear and CURL it around a little bit so you can feel the vomiting hunchback rotating sideways. Fall backwards into a rotating chimney custer. Pitch elbows forward onto zigzag penis noose (squeegee for womens). Meet back at headquarters for full briefing. Pop nostricle out onto cheek for some blistering comments from the chief. The day I can figure out these suicide instructions, I 'll deserve the death I am looking for ...
Scott Hricsina MetaCrawler search >Thanks, Scott, for your search. But I already know everything about me, my site and my namesake (the Mouchette of Bresson). What I want to have is new ideas from visitors
Scott Hricsina This was the answer (Listen) Use the back button to return here. Did you understand the same as me?
Fernando asking your parents to kill you

Parents would kill when they are asked to by their children?

I never would have figured it out myself. It leaves me speachless.
sans nom Mange un bon gros steack de vache folle, dans une enorme assiette pleine de mais aux OGM, avec un bon gros fromages (pasteuris�). Et en attendant la mort, il faut se gaver de carambar nuit et jour

Hmmm... suicide by food


.....This one leaves me speachless as well....
Jesica Lopez

Con potasio debajo de una u�a, es la mejor manera para no sufir....
"With potassium underneath one u-a, is the best way not to suffer..." (Thanks to Taylor for the translation)

Here I don't understand the language ....
Rubi Throw your self from stairs or put a knife in your heart.

Here I cant find anything witty to reply...
Robert Cortese I once made my own suicide kit when i was twelve. I was playing pretend to hang myself. I got the idea from the Steven Spielberg movie the Goonies. When my mother walked in on me playing she decided she would have me shipped off to a mental institution for a year. My dad tried to fight it (he knew I was only playing) so instead of releasing me to my parents the courts kept me in the childrens shelter (orphanage) for another year while they tried to figure out who was right. It wasn't until my rich grandmother opened her pocketbook that the courts decided I too could be another counterproductive member of society.

...... Here I like this personal story very much and I'm happy to publish it .... But this is the best I can do for it. I have nothing to add.
Starla Slitting your wrists with mommy's razor Oh, so... mommy is the one who has the razor...
The Evangelist To commit suicide, or take your life, you must first have a life, and given that you created a web site like this with what can only be described as bullshit content, suicide does not apply to you...

Yes, this is it: I don't know if I have a life, so how can I loose it?
sick bitch Cut off your father's penis, put it inside of your mother backwards, and hope to god that something sends you back from wherever the fuck you came from. :)

.... The life I have is this website and my mail. Here, I learn about the world: mom, dad, what should I be doing or not doing at school ....
sick bitch I would also suggest to you to shove your head into your mom's cunt and hope to god that you asphyxiate. But this is just a suggestion to you...

.... It's fascinating, though, to think that all these answers are my life ....
Jimbo take 13 doses of LSD and play in Traffic

... and all these people are my social world ...
Curt I wish I could help

...whoever they said their name was ...
Mike to go outside and lay in the street, or gun to head, or knife to wrist, or wastland warriors, hahaha...

.... they became part of the story ...
Juni get hit by a car and landing on a pile of glass and when you awake to crawl yourself to freedom, the trick is that you are crawling on a freshly salted highway in the middle of winter

... One often hears that the stories of the future would be written online ....
Swarm I've aways wanted to get a deadly disease such as AIDS and run through the halls of a crowded building (ia.school) with my wrists slit taking my revenge out on the cancer of human life. Besides if you can run fast enuf you can make your blood shoot i hear 25 feet and running if you can keep your mind intact will shut your heart down and if you really wanna get the job done shoot up 20 some cc's of heroin before the fact. Cracked out eh?

... Up to know, I never had any convincing example. Of course, you can put some sentences next to each other, (a la Burroughs cut-up method) asking each web participant to add one, but I never found it could make a story...
Joshua Well if i were to kill myslef back when i was under 13, i would have probably jury rigged a small device that suctioned to my eyeballs and released a large electric charge. Otherwise, i would bathe myself in a tub full of ethidium bromide so that my body would absorb enough of the stuff to ruin my DNA eventually leading to a slow death.

... the reason why I like this story is that I have the head role... (I know it's very conceited of me to say a thing like this) ...
Serial You wanna die? i'll kill ya i'll take a tennis ball machine load it with boiled potatoes and shoot them up your ass until you turn blue!!

... my second partners are such good actors sometimes, and so funny ....
Ben Masters Masterbate 13 times a day for 13 days.

Ben Masters is a master at masterbation

(another useless comment ...)
Jason Thompson Live to lead a productive life

Instead of dying or in order to die of it?

(... I think I'm living a productive life doing this suicide page...)
Davey Crokette A tub filled with warm water and a piece of sand paper.

How do you kill yourself like this? I shall never know ... For the ones who want to know, use the email and ask him .... (or her?)
Peter Take a trip and then play barbie dolls with tonka trucks Here ask him too...
Acuma If you wish to cut your wrist, don't do it left to right or right to left. That can be fixed. Go up and down. There is a main vein that runs from your rist to your elbow. Using a sharp knive or razor blade cut it open as long as you can. That will do it. Or you can mix bleach and lime away [lime cleaner] drink it if you can. Put a hole in your temple, using anything sharp and long. Just kinda stap it. ?????? Jump off of a bridge into traffic.

I think very soon, I shall be publishing these suicide suggestions without any comment. I do not mean they are worthless. Certainly not. My biggest pleasure is to read them as soon as I receive them ....
Acuma Get a gun, automatic if you can, gernades, whatever. Find a busy place, mall, stores..... Start killing people, as many as you can, just keep going untill the cops get there, start killing them, take out as many as you can. They will HAVE to start shooting at you.

... and reading them again when updating these pages is a renewed pleasure. The name of the sender is very often a significant element of the story ...
Acuma I saw the suicide kit. What do you think of ideas on "if I was a mass murderer"? Just wondering. I know exactley, right down to the detail on how I was go about doing it, not that I would. [or would I? ----> I don't know] Would you be interested in knowing? Or even starting something. Even if you think this is a bad stupid horrible dumb crazy idea, could you PLEASE write back. I would like to hear from you.

...and the fact that he came back 3 times to the form page, insisting that I would write back...


Did I write back or not? I don't remember. This was received a few months before I updated the page
Diana Wu You could try killing yourself by sawing your body in half, horizontally, with an electric chainsaw... painful probably and gruesome for those who discover your body but at least it's something a bit original.
...I must admit I go thorough a lot of moral struggle when updating the pages ....
Vittoro Take lots of ether, go on a high bridge, wait for a semi and jump before it comes . That way if the fall don't kill you, the semi will.
...Should I skip the real suicide instructions, the ones that could really work ...
jon* The best way to kill yourself when you're 13 is the best way to kill yourself when you're 80, or 20. or 40... with pain and suffering that you let burrow it's way into your heart and mind, and... enough pain can kill someone emotionally, which is the most painful way to die....
... Well, first, how am I to choose the ones that work from the one that don't work ?....
CHRISTIAN TURN ON THE CAR AND SLEEP IN THE GARAGE
... If I knew already so well ...
Richard Naples Get a mother with munchhausen by proxy. Or perhaps a metal spoon? ou les morpions.
... I wouldn't even ask....
Still, my favourite are always the fantasy ones because ......
Michael Wells I'm shure any idea i could of given to you has already been given... and if you still can't find a way to kill yourself just draw into yourself cut all contacts with civilization stop eating and drinking curl up in a corner and die and if that doesn't work well im out of suggestions(writing this while im trippin)

..... it's all about pretending!
  pretend(?) you're gay in a small american town

....yes, pretending!
SLASH DIE FOR OTHERS......!!!

...
Shakal Lay down, close your eyes and think only about you want to die ... you want to die ... i dont know if it is functional, but one of my friend was trying it and she is still alive, but it is simple and you maybe will be surprised ... (she was ...) Or fall very very deep (really very deep) in love ... and when he'll leave you alone, you sure will find your own way ...

...In suicide, the imagination has the biggest part and as it comes to thinking about suicide, I'm completely out of imagination (even for making good comments), but you, my writers, are not ....
Shadow Highmoon

I have always thought that, were I to kill myself, I would not want to leave a mess for my family members to discover (or worse, have to clean up)!

Ergo, I would have to promote a more "outdoors" approach to my final exit. I also do not want to leave grieving people in my wake wondering what they could have done to prevent my demise. Previously I would have strongly suggested dancing in an electrical storm wearing as much bondage gear as possible. (don't ask)
However, as I have attempted this method, and I am writing this, I must sadly report that it is not very reliable. Not only that, but it has often re-established my zest for life, often delaying the next attempt for many weeks, even years! So this would not be my first choice (but damn! it's fun! ..and clean!)

I have also attempted placing myself in the path of approaching tornado's, but I know that this is not very affective for children as transportation would be an issue, and tornado's are notoriously moody and hard to predict (and hard to find outside the USA, so lets go with something more globally accessible, shall we?

All these things taken into consideration, I feel that a well timed dive into a frigid (hopefull ice-covered, but not so thick as to prevent you from getting in, pond or river would be best suited. (if you live somewhere warm, then.. well . tough .. try one of the first two).
Freezing to death is rather peaceful .. but it's a slow process.
So lets add the variable of extreme hypoxia by drowning. Death would be quick, mostly painless, and the layer of ice above you would most likely defeat any of those silly "last minute" epiphany's that you should not take your own life. You're in the water now. Just do it!.

In the unlikely event that you *are* rescued before clinical death, you might even get to look forward to one of those "miracles" where a a person was entombed in ice for hours, only to be revived with a totally new outlook on life, and no ill effects.
If this happens .. try again later.. *smiles*. Thanks for a good read, beautiful web site!

I am quite darkly pleased that you found my entry worthy of your page. Your page continues to delight my darker happy places, and there seems to be something new everywhere I click.
Happy Hauntings ...
Shadow

..........
Espérer The best way to kill yourself under 13 is to choke on doll accessories, such as a doll-size hairbrush, or perhaps a small doll shoe.

...yes, we're talking about a toy ...
Phil with lots of presentation... jumping infront of trains/cars/trucks/busses is always a messy way to do it but sorta lame... if u want to leave some one with tones of guilt u do it in a public place, holding a knife to ones neck while asking a stranger for assitance is always good... if you want to be really creative... when your in school, assuming you still go to school, holding a sharp object, something like a large knife or a sharp stick to your chest and falling directly on it in front of the classroom should kill u and really mess up the heads of your classmates

.... we're talking about a game ...

Sample_girl A gas oven

...for children ...
mistoffelees jump in front of a subway

.. If they allowed to play war, ...
Dougie To stab your self in the heart with an icecicle.

.. if they may pretend they kill, ...
Melinda jump out in from of a truck, jump off of a high place- dive off. drown urself. slit ur rists wit a kichen knife. stab urslef with one.

...why is the game of suicide such a taboo ?...
Nathaniel Langsworthy Holding your breath

I am often blamed for this game I have invented: let's pretend I want to commit suicide ...

Roo-Ban-Fu Shoot people at random in your school, untill S.W.A.T. Fills your tiny immature body with 9mm hollowpoints

... It would give wrong ideas to children ...

Munky He he. This was a good idea! To find out how people's opinions of how suicide should be accomplished. You do what you need for the situation-say if you were a loner, bullet to the head. If you had lots of friends you would set it up so it seemed like they did it! Or if you had REALLY caring parents or summit you make sure you die when they dont know whats going on but suddenly see you as you die. Fear not though! If you commit suicide you dont go to hell! you end up at the website! Now that's torture in its own right!!!

...(they already have these ideas, otherwise they wouldn't come to this page )

... It would provide them with good instructions for killing themselves ... (There are much better instructions for suicide to be found on the net, believe me)
Tom J Try to breathe through your ears

...
James You said that a suicide is to keep your life perfect. Therefore you need the perfect suicide, and no one knows that better then the Samurai. Stab yourself in the stomach with a tanto knife and pull out your entrails, then have someone cut your head off with a sword. Get it all on tape, and follow all the ancient protocols of Japanese ritual and ceremony. It has been done before but that is the best part about it. . . it is sure to be horrible/beautiful and the kind of thing no one would ever forget after seeing it. What is the reward for the best answers? I want the chainer!

... So, now, this is my good bye message to the suicide page. I won't comment it any more, just let you peacefully read it and appreciate it for what it's worth ....
Anders Reverse gravity and fall up until you leave the atmosphere and suffocate or (if you're lucky) until you smash into a 747.

... I will still remain behind these pages ...
scary_face A gun in the mouth, aimed at the two top front teeth. So that there is a really big mess afterwards.

... because I receive them as email and publish them by hand ....
Andrew

death by masturbation
death by jelly beans
swallow gas throw yourself on fire
death by brutal penetration

... When the suicide suggestions are put online, their authors receive a message ...
krow drive a bone through your temple....i.e. a chicken bone for example

...provided they gave a correct email address ...
Pat All you really have to do is give up on life. It's painless and it isn't really killing yourself. It's just quitting living.

...If these texts inspire you reactions you want to communicate, send them to the authors as well as to me ...
Jeremy Dore Listening and learning only from your parents.

...Reactions to the suicide page ..
doug Ask your parents to help you. name = doug

..will also be published.
THE~END The greatest way to achieve death is through religion. Might as well be reverent as possible before you die... after all u wouldn't want to end up in hell eh? :) Heh.. therefore you should travel to a mass gathering of christians, which can be found where ever the pope travels to. Then you should spread the AIDS virus to all of them. The christians will become infected... they will infect many other christians. You will be found. You will be sentenced to a death worthy of a god. Having doomed millions of people to die... such glory is unimaginable. Before you die... Denounce religion. There is no god. Religion is nothing. For it is nothing. Also.. remember there are many other biological weapons that u can utilise in place of aids.

So, bye for now and don't forget to keep young ...
old man to grow up

... forever.

updated the 11 dec 1999

 
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