Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
19 Dec 2021 Johnny Melton Whatever happened to Lucy Cortina?
11 Jan 2021 One.shot Soffocata fra le tette di Lucy Cortina
21 Sep 2009 Felicia the don't feel so Great I stand dumbfounded and perplexed, again weeping alongside Billy the Freak. My plastic face becomes immortalized. I sit at the Bar of Mouchette, to get pounced away once more with the joke of Tiffany diamonds promised to me and finding that they were nothing but a fake.
A screaming of blasphemy yells behind me. I am haunted everyday. I wake up every morning and see the sun rise piercing my eyes. I run for life and I don’t turn back. I wreath in hate and disparity for the rest of the days of my life as I was scorned away by the depths of uncertainty.
I cannot erase my words, but they are not carved in stone. I might as well finish it off by dying of old age. I don’t own Mouchette, never had, never will. I miss you Billy the weeping Freak. I miss you Lucy Cortina. My personality keeps changing. I am not the same. But I’m not going to die, if I am, I’m already dead inside.
We walk amoungts the living dead. We make our own lives. We babble until we can’t babble enough. But I know for certain we have much in common. We all bleed in our own little way.
27 May 2009 Lucy Cortina Heyyyyyy
11 Nov 2007 OMG, who's lucy cortina?? LUCY CORTINA, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!
please let me know that u'll talk to me.
i'll be nice i promise.
11 Nov 2007 OMG, who is lucy cortina?? LUCY CORTINA IS A FAKE!!!
all those stories are from the Georgia books.
the one about elvis.
the one about farting and the sister.


I love those books.
But Lucy is a steeler!

this is fabbity-fab.
11 Nov 2007 OMG, who is lucy cortina?? OMG!!!!

Is Lucy Cortina the author who wrote the book about nunga nunga's and the sex god, or is the lucy cortina on this site just another one of her fans and stole stuff from her book.

OMG, this is big and i've discovered it!
I love those books! I just finished reading the one where she is the girlfriend of the sex god!

OMG, mouchette, u need to answer me somehow.
21 Apr 2007 Felicia The Great It's Felicia the Great again!
I guess it's safe to come back here. Some idiot was posing as and it didn't really phase me.

Where have Lucy Cortina and Billy the Freak gone? Nobody knows.
22 Oct 2006 dic savant lucy cortina and your behemothly sized breasts, im in love with you! i've read your dirty tale, and i've heared of your fickle-tits, read between the lines and minded the gap... they are for me, i know it! it was mistress fate that sent me the inclination to find you on this website - still unsure as to my attraction to you and your gargantuan milk ducts, but i now know it is fate. and i simply have one question to ask you: CAN I MILK YOU?
27 Jun 2006 Felicia on Lisa Frito Boob Envy Dear Lisa Frito,

Why kill yourself over the salami sandwich I ate from the break room?

It was 2 weeks old! I was a charity case.

It was left there for days.

And by the way, Lucy Cortina heard rumor about your silicon implants. She is rather disturbed. You have the real ones. I said,!!! You have tomatoes that will stay pert for years.

Mine will sag someday. One day, I will go shopping and will have to look for a support bra and mistakenly buy a double jock strap returned by some hermaphrodite down on her/his luck because they were turned down by Hugh Hefner's video audition.

Then I will arrive home, use it for a week and get boob rash from jock itch.

Lucy!!! Help me on this one!!!
15 Jun 2006 Lucy Cortina I was just browsing the net, contemplating the next career move for my boobies, and something drew me to this site. Now my blouse is soaking wet because my breasts are crying, crying because it seems like Mouchette has decided to let his beautiful creation die. What about the dreams we had, Mouchette? To create the most famous suicide in the history of suicides? The day when my breasts would be plastered over every computer screen, as I suffocate to death.
24 Apr 2006 Felicia The Great To the people inclined to hate me!

So yes you may say that I post stupid posts on this website but...

...That's what I do. And do you know why? (Not involving Lucy Cortina or Billy the Weeping Freak. But to the KNOWN CRITIC who promises a freaking rose garden to me, a diamond, and LATER gives me lip and calls me a cunt because I refused to bone him!)

All because my boobs are bigger than all the girls that he HE-WHORE’s with and he is just freakin jealous. The only time he masturbates is with bread and later he calls it his ham sandwich. I could tell him to eat me, but he can eat himself.

In the long run, he might enjoy it. But if he is flexible enough, he can do an encore by leaving a suicide note, sticking his nose up his ass, and farting his way to Jamaica.
11 Feb 2006 Lucy Cortina Last night I had a dream. My boobs expanded to airbag size as I was asleep and a group of cannibals invaded my room and dragged me out by my boobs. It was horrible! They took loads of photographs of my boobs to sell on ebay. Then they threw me onto a table, took out some carving knives and sliced into my boobs! Which was even more horrible. Air gushed out of them and I almost died on the spot thinking I'd end up in a mental asylum with saggy boobs and no lip gloss. I heaved myself off the table, thrusting one boob into one of the cannibals and the other into another. Blood sprayed everywhere as I spun around on the spot, my boobs flomping against each of their heads. I was like a sort of whirling 'boobie' dervish. After they were all dead - their heads splattered against the walls from the force of my boobs - I ran as fast as I could (topless and blood stained) into the lounge. I found some masking tape and taped my boobs up to stop the bleeding. It seemed to do the trick. I went back to bed and fell asleep. An hour later I awoke to discover my boobs bleeding again! Blood poured out onto my white silk virginal bedsheets...and then, my right boobie exploded!!! OHMYGODOHMYGOD!!

Then I woke up. This message is proof of the pain I am still suffering from abuse at the hands of Mouchette. The nightmares just won't stop. Please make them stop.
19 Jan 2006 Lucy Cortina I have at last escaped from Mouchettes mansion. He trapped me in the bathroom with the rotting corpse of his mother. It was horrible! So horrible that my boobs accidentally began to inflate until they almost touched the floor where the blood was. There was the issue of Mouchettes brains inside my boobs to deal with too. They had a tug of war with my "boobie brains" and my boobie brains won. So now Mouchette has nowhere to keep his spare brains. I have exorcised them from my boobs at last.

I escaped from Mouchettes mansion by climbing out of the window, 7 stories high, and using my boobs to cushion the fall. I tell you, I practically bounced from France back to England!
Ahhhh you can't beat Enfland. Nothing like a cup of tea and a cream bun. Or if you're me, a cream bun that sticks to your boobs when you lean over to eat it.

When I got back to England, I ignored the many attempts by Mouchette to contact me on my pink slimline mobile telephone with last number redial. I caught up with the news by reading a few papers (the gossip columns anyway). And there it was, a golden snippet of information that would shatter my world (again): "Lottery winner plans to buy new Mercededes, a boob-job and room for a pony for exotic American girlfriend Felicia Floresca". I literally had a boob-attack on the spot! I thought I was going to die, it was all too much for me. I ordered mum to buy me 20 chocolate bars from the shop. After eating those, and feeling very ill, I called the bitch (and reversed the charge since she can now afford such luxuries) and told her what I thought of her.

No one puts Lucy Cortinas boobs out of joint!
17 Jan 2006 The Uncola Very boring site. Everyone has the same problems and no one ever follows through. Well I must say that is a good thing. As far as I know, the only one who ever did kill himslef was Flamer, but that was only symbolically. Not a lot has changed here. There's still the occasional funny thought, like Cobain's pet fish Gossam. Though there have been many painfully unfunny attempts to make someone crack a smile such as the Religious Maggie bits. I personally don't think Lucy Cortina is that funny either, but some do and that is their opinion. The question always lingers on my mind though as to the point of the "Suicide Kit". Will it ever be made? Will it incorporate elements that have been suggested here? And will it actually be sold to preteens?
Of course I know that it is really a bogus piece of work, but its fun to play along sometimes. And from time to time we all see the many who will complain about Mouchette (who has done nothing wrong except email people junk), and others will try to send advice to those who come looking for an ear to their troubles. It is easy to write off these people and call them silly, but that isn't what we should do. They wouldn't talk about suicidal thoughts if they really were dead set (lol "dead set") on killing themselves. They want help, and we shouldn't patronize them for it. And neither should you, Mouchette, let them be patronized.
I like popcorn.
I really must reveal my intentions now. I am only writing this in hopes of making the longest post ever on Mouchette's painfully boring message board. Come on people!!! Some of you really could use to lighten up a little more often and give us some good stuff to read. And for you the suicidals, we don't have to hear how you are depressed over nothing, just tell us how you fell and we'll try to help. we don't need the bland details of you sitting on your bed depressed because the light blew out. If you actually have personal problems that are making you think the way you do then please say them, but if you are just depressed because you can be, spare us the details. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not saying I won't help, I'm just saying you should really keep it to yourself or people will ridicule you and you will feel worse. Please don't be angered by this.
Flamer is probably dead. I think he commited suicide shortly after he was ran off. It would make sense though, after all this was the only place he felt welcome. Religious Maggie should be dead too, because he was a poor comedian that only used offensive material that wasn't funny to anyone. Lucy's not dead I assume, as to the fact that she recently posted I think. Although like I said I don't really like her brand of comedy, someone must like it. Please people, if you are gonna do something funny, think before you post.
Think back to the lessons of Bloodninja.
There is an island somewhere. and on this island is every great musician that died in the past 50 years. Tupac walking beside Frank Sinatra, and Elvis singing with Jimi Hendrix on guitar. Even Cobain's brain is there in a jar (he doesn't talk or play guitar, not like anyone would want him to). Jim Morrison is there, George Harrison, John Lennon, Cliff Burton, and even Johny Cash. Black Michael Jackson has taken solitude there, and so did Biggie. Janis Joplin is there and would be the only woman if not for Mama Cass.
If this is still being read right now, I would like to say thank you for keeping with this instead of reading 2 sentences then assumin I suck. My intention is for the best of people.
Here's a sample from the Reverend: SPERMAL ABUSE
Current mood: optimistic


As you can tell, an uprising of mice was vanquished today by our Special Stealth Gunnery 5th Battalion of Radiated Fraternal Police Toads. They fought bravely, and some even died to the mice. As a result today is now declared TOAD SMASH MOUSE day. Also I outlawed spermal abuse today. Spermal abuse, as you may know, is rampant among men (and some women). It occurs whenever a man throws a used tissue away or in the toilet, when he masturbates in the shower as well. Some women are known to clean themselves with disposable tissue as well. This law will make it to where the sperm must be put to good use when dispersed. Whether it fertilizes, is swallowed, used to annoy your roommate, or in a special wine at a party (I love the joke), it must be used properly. The punishment for unabiding by this law is extraction of the genitals. Everyone remember there is an execution tommorrow, tickets are on sale. It will be held at Chink-cho-cho Stadium in Beijing. Have a good day.

Currently reading:
Mein Kampf
By Adolf Hitler

Well I hope that was enjoyable. I also have one from a great Dungeon Master:
This is Trash's list of things not to right a song about. (Because I'm the fucking genius).

1. Fucking a tranny in the ass, or playing dick swords with one's that uncircumsized.

2. baby-raping (Sorry Stephen Lynch, thats a no-no)

3. Beating black people up in the name of progress

4. yeast infections

5. admitting to being behind the Holocaust

6. A threesome with your son and granny (a.k.a. showing son the ropes on ma')

7. Your mama, trains, being drunk, trucks, prison, and rain

8. being raped by aliens and your daddy

9. cheating on you girlfriend

10. Fish

11. Graveyards in the spring

12. Pimpin, hoes, gangstas, and clubs

13. Dungeon Dave of the Outer Rim

14. Disney movies, shows, and other disney things

15. any song with the word horticulture in it

16. killing, maiming, death, Satan, and blood

17. How big you dick is, how small your dick is, how tight your pussy is, or how loose your pussy is (These are to be said in normal conversation not in a song)

18. Cutting yourself

19. being a badass without the evidence to back it up.

20. breakup songs are always a NO!

Here's another list:
And Now, Josh X's List Of Things To Give To A Girl You Used To Like As A Wedding Gift:

1 Your Brains And Skull Fragment Spewed Down The Chapel Aisle Right IN The Middle Of The Ceremony

2 Your Best Wishes- and then bring up memories of the time she gave you crabs (you must do this one in front of her new husband).

3 A Golden Shower

4 The Child you made After A 3 doors down concert.

5 hell.

6 Some Organ From Any Form Of Livestock (preferable the heart)

7 A Free Brake Removal job to the ride that will be used to get to the honeymoon (must be given on the same day as the wedding or the gift willl lose all value)

8 The Husband-to-be's head in a garbage bag

9 an untraceable phone call every day

10 A cake.

There's very little more I can talk about here. I leave it up to Mouchette whether or not to post this, but know this Mouchette, if you don't I will send the same post everyday until you do.
05 Jan 2006 Felicia The Great Dear Mouchette,

It's a cold, cold 2006. I have been on this site for almost four years, can you believe it? I never realized that this website was a forum.

The history of me writing in this post website began in late December of 2001. There I was lamenting over a hopeless relationship of lost dreams. It was the year of drowning misery of guzzling Peppermint Schnapps in a cold, cold room on a dark hillside. It was so cold, you can talk in the room and a mist of warm air came out of your mouth. Now you wanted to know what it was like for a bum to live in a cardboard box. Think of it as a cardboard box bedroom. I was ready to end my life then. I lay awake on a cold, cold bed staring at a ceiling, bundled in a jacket, knit cap, and Nike shoes filled with thermal socks.

It felt like Heaven’s Gate at Hale Bopp for me, but Applegate already left the building.

Then Lucy Cortina and Billy the Freak came to the rescue.
04 Jan 2006 Felicia The Great It seems that I have a fan.

I have a young man who wants to shower me with Tiffany diamonds, a house, and a Mercedes. I predict Lucy Cortina will get jealous about this.

I am afraid she will hate me if I plan to have plastic surgery for a double 38 B and cushy silicon breasts.

I see her fuming now. Oh.... I see her fuming now. Billy the Weeping freak beware. Be very aware.



02 Jan 2006 cortinas a FUCKING FREAK Fucking hell whats with that weirdo lucy cortina she keeps going on about shit makin up silly storys lol what has her boob got to do with anything? haha it was a tiny teeny bit laughable but now its just odd an she/he is the weirdest person GIVE IT A REST WENCH
21 Dec 2005 Felicia The Great It seems I have major fans. Nobody knows what it is like to live on the rim of extinction. Billy the Freak is back, Lucy Cortina is in full swing with her knockers, Just a Girl is in hiatus, and as for me, I am just yammering away and reading these posts from the unfortunate and the too fortunate.

I will explain to you what a suicide kit is. A suicide kit has ten digits and a brain. At the present moment, as you are reading this post, your brain is functioning at will. In 25 or 40 years you will develop memory loss. You will die eventually some day, it could be tonight, it could be tomorrow. So stop making attempts in killing yourself and let nature take its course. Don't fast forward your life ending it with suicide because its too much work.

Would you find it too much work to do something thrilling like sky diving? Or surfing? Or working on occupations that are life threatening? If you plan on taking your life, why not enjoy it by helping others? You can save another person's life by risking your life. I see people everyday on a death wish. Their thoughts are to help the unfortunate.

As for me, being a dog groomer has its death wish too. You can be mauled to death by bathing a Pit Bull, Mastiff, or Rottweiler. Or get an infection from a fear biting Shih Tzu and die from it.

Death is all around you. Make the best of it. It only gets worst when you wallow in the "Woe is me" mentality mode. Has it occurred to you that there are mysteries out there you really should know about?

I salute to Billy, Lucy, Just a Girl, and the people that helped warm up this website, despite the cold, cold world.

And for you, I would like you to remember this that you are not alone and your life is not over. Feel free to email me whenever you can or simply submit to this seeking help posts in this website.

With Love Always,

Felicia The Great

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